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Sawyer Goes Downriver
Diane Sawyer, please turn in your journalism badge.
You sold out, sister. You gladly offered your untouched, Hillary-esque vagina to the big, fat cock of corporate television, and it fucked you like you were a drunken, slutty prom queen.
Did you feel humiliated by the thick wad of creamy white sponsorship spackled all over your tight, pursed lips?? Or did you like it just a little bit?
According to ABC News, the hideous, bird-like apparition commonly known as Nicole Ritchie poured out her guts - which would amount to half of a shot glass - to former journalist Diane Sawyer. Doubtless the conversation consisted of Sawyer lobbing softball-sized questions at Ritchie, followed by Ritchie staring at a distant spot on the unseen horizon while her malnourished brain struggles to understand the question.
This, however, we do know. Nicole Ritchie is pregnant:
In an exclusive television interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer, Nicole Richie confirms for the first time she is pregnant with Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden’s baby.
“Yes, I am. We are. I’m almost four months,” Richie told Sawyer.
HAHAHAHA!!!!!
The dumb bitch said “We are,” as if this thing will last four days after the placenta hits the floor!!!
While it is certainly sad to think that some skeletal retard will give birth to a life - thereby toxifying the gene pool forever - even sadder is the demise of one of America’s most trusted voices in news.
Diane Sawyer rose to prominence in the Nixon White House, and worked there through the Watergate controversy. In fact, she was often rumored to be the infamous Deep Throat behind the revelations of Watergate, a rumor she categorically denied.
After her White House years, Sawyer moved through a series of high-profile news jobs, including stints on 60 Minutes and Good Morning America. Throughout the decades, Sawyer has maintained a certain level of professionalism, despite the crumbling decay of her contemporaries and news in general. One might only look at someone like Barbara Walters to marvel at how well Sawyer has carried herself in the news realm - for a woman in a man’s world, she has certainly managed to maintain her dignity.
And now this. Nicole Ritchie - the person most famous for nothing at all - managed to snag an interview with Diane Sawyer in order to announce to a disinterested world that she got knocked up.
Fascinating.
Frankly, at this point you would think Sawyer’s brain would disconnect itself from the brain stem in a futile attempt to stop the interview. However, that was not the case. So, Diane, give up your journalist card, and all of your fancy news awards.
I can’t wait for your coverage of the 18th birthday bash of Hayden Panettiere!
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2 Responses to “Sawyer Goes Downriver”
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Diane Sawyer is getting old. If she doesnt star appealing to the cool young hip crowd, she will lose her job.
Nicole is going to look like some kind of bizarre alien being pregnant.
The baby’s going to make her look fat. I hope she doesn’t try to throw it up.
GO AWAY DIANE!!!