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Going Gay For Box Office
In our Summer Movie Tournament, the knowledgeable film fans all pick Rush Hour 3 to finish in the bottom of the heap among summer blockbusters.
Well, except Eric. But remember … I said knowledgeable.
Apparently Rush Hour 3 “director” Brett Ratner can read the proverbial handwriting on the wall, because he is pulling out all of the stops to promote his latest theatrical crotch-stain.
Hollywood Elsewhere points us to an article in The Advocate in which Ratner - who is never one to pass up an opportunity to embarrass himself and those associated with him - cheerfully talks to the gay and lesbian magazine about gay sex. More specifically, his involvement in it.
The article starts off uncomfortably, with Ratner detailing the amount of hair on his ass and balls. Then, it moves - as all gay and lesbian articles must - to the use or misuse of homosexuality in media. After briefly defending a certain segment of Rush Hour 3 in which Chris Tucker gets it on with a dude, Ratner adds this:
My first blow job was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man. That’s where that comes from. It’s based on personal experience. It happens to a lot of people.
You know … I am not very interested in Brett Ratner’s heterosexual sex life. His gay side has even less appeal.
After the interviewer regained consciousness / composure, he asked The Rat to expound on this experience. And so he did. Unfortunately.
I’m not homophobic or uptight about it. That happens to a lot of heterosexuals. You meet a girl in a bar, and it turns out she’s not a girl. I think a girl should tell you if she’s a girl or a man–that way it’s your preference. It’s comedy. Look, in this movie we don’t pull any punches. We make fun of black people. We make fun of Chinese people. We make fun of French people. We make fun of gay situations. We make fun of whites. It doesn’t matter. It’s the type of movie it is. It’s a fish-out-of-water comedy. You have to have those types of situations to have the comedy. That specific idea was because it’s happened to me. It’s happened to my friends. We’ll get together with a girl, and it’ll turn out to be a guy. The reaction is “Oh, shit!” if you’re not gay, which is funny, I think. Getting into the situation is funny. I laugh whenever I see one of my friends talking to a girl, and I’ll ask, “Is that a man or a woman?” It’s funny, especially if you don’t know about it. If you know about it, fine. If that’s your preference…
Ugh.
First of all, the guy is a giant, Kevin Smith-sized whore. He would suck off a dead koala bear if he thought the money shot would make the tenth page of The Hollywood Reporter.
Secondly, he is desperately trying to use this fairly funny personal anecdote to add nonexistent layers of meaning to a one-joke “franchise.” Yeah, the Rush Hour films make fun of Chinese people or black people - if by that you mean that every one of them can have a knife thrown at their dick. This franchise is not an equal opportunity offender, because it is too inconsequential to mean ANYTHING.
Ratner is such a shameless hack, yet he continues to make big-budgeted pictures for Hollywood. Bizarre.
Here is my list of the bottom of Hollywood’s pool of directors, in descending order:
5. Michael Bay
4. The catshit I stepped in earlier today.
3. Uwe Boll’s left boxing glove.
2. Brett Ratner.
1. Uwe Boll.
Dispute it - if you dare!!
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6 Responses to “Going Gay For Box Office”
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LOL, UMMMMM I have NEVER had my dick sucked by a man. I have also always known what the sex of the person I was about to have any form of sex with. What a fag.
That you know of, Eric. Remember that time you came over to my house with that bottle of CAptain Morgan Rum??
MMMMM … Cum … I mean, MMMM … Rum ….
No Ray your mistaken. I new what was going on. I just pretended not too. You seemed to like it that way.
Yeah … it is nicer that way. It helps us to avoid all of the sticky moral and ethical questions, and lets us get down to the action!!!
Ratner’s assumption that the situation he’s describing “happens to a lot of men” strikes me as being a bit too convenient, a bit too easy of a cover. I’m guessing I could sodium pentathol 10 of my male coworkers and not find a single one who could tell this story. Someone’s definitely been living in Hollywood too long if being too drunk, stupid and horny to notice the actual sex organs between a partner’s legs has become commonplace.
And it happens to “a lot” of Ratner’s friends? Here’s a newsflash, Brett: you and all of your friends, down to the very last one, are gay, and you despise yourselves. And to compensate for that lack of self-respect, dignity and other positive qualities that many human beings display, you take pleasure in the guilt and shame that you feel deep down whenever you mock that which you find so reprehensible in yourself but cannot ever change.
This bit from that interview is hilarious:
“Look, in this movie we don’t pull any punches. We make fun of black people. We make fun of Chinese people. We make fun of French people. We make fun of gay situations.”
Isn’t that revealing how, when speaking to a reporter from a gay magazine, he humanizes all of the OTHERS that he mocks in his movies by calling them “people” and then - too embarrassed to admit what a douchebag he is - he can only refer to gay “situations”?
Alan, you can sodium pentathol me any time you’re ready.
Then all we would need is a blockbuster film opening and a bunch of gay reporters, and we will have hit the big time!!