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Van Halen Is Ready To Bore You
That picture above of David Lee Roth in full concert mode is exactly what you won’t see on the Van Halen tour, which is set to begin its fall plundering of millions of pocketbooks.
A one minute video has leaked online from their final warm up concert prior to starting the tour proper. Check out the “brilliance” after the jump.
Nothing says warmth and intimacy like constructing a 2,000 foot wide stage, which will allow Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth to position themselves at completely opposite ends of it. In fact, during the concert I imagine that people in surrounding counties will hear the notes from Eddie’s guitar before David does.
Of course, the humongous stage will allow David plenty of space to perform his legendary stage antics, which apparently include tottering back and forth like an insane lounge singer.
I was surprised how well David sounded singing Panama, although it barely requires any singing ability at all. However, dear little Wolfgang Van Halen sounded terrible in trying to replace bassist/backup vocalist Michael Anthony. It’s painfully clear that Eddie’s little protege is going to get slaughtered by the press and fans alike; this was a terrible idea by everyone involved to put this kid on such a pressure-packed stage.
I’ll tell you one thing: Some people are paying $5000 a seat to see these guys. If I had paid that amount and received a performance like this, I would tear the stadium down with my bare hands. I would not rest until Eddie was playing his guitar with his duodenum.
These old, psychotic geezers had better get in gear … fast!
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4 Responses to “Van Halen Is Ready To Bore You”
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David Lee Roth sure knows how to walk back and forth across that stage. WOO WOO!
This does not look good man. We knew this was going to happen. There is no electricity and no heart in the performance. I know this is just a warm-up, but I doubt the poor saps who paid top dollar for tickets are going to get much more.
Because of this performance, When the actual tour stars, the bands agent has made the band agree to some rules.
1. Dave is not allowed within 20 feet of Eddie.
2. Wolfgang is never allowed to sing again.
3. The guitars and need to be turned up really loud, so people can’t tell how much Dave sucks now.
4. Put clips of past performances, including ones of Sammy and Michael Anthony on a video screen, to keep people from getting bored.
5. Don’t allow any music critic in, we don’t want word of this show getting out.
6. Make sure their is a no refund policy on tickets even if the tour is cancel before the end.
7. Get a stunt double to do jumps and kicks for Dave.
and finally
8. Get some strippers on stage, this show will suck and people love naked hot chicks.
Oh good lord, I am old. I saw the Sammy Hagar version of the band twice in one week in good ol’ 1986.
Needless to say, they had just a smidge more energy than the David Lee Roth elbow-flapping version you guys show us here.
Can’t you all just leave my past alone?! Well?! (Sob)
Norm S.
http://www.meetinthelobby.com
Sorry, Norm, you old bastard.
Just remember that, no matter how old you feel, David Lee Roth is much older - and CRAZIER.