Beowulf - Comin’ Right At Ya!

November 14, 2007 · Filed Under Hmmmmm, Media Report, Movies 

This weekend Robert Zemekis finally unleashes his CGI 3-D version of the classic 1st century poem Beowulf. Many in the industry believe this is the first 3-D movie that will usher in a new era in 3-D experience and begin a theatergoing revolution.

Well, from what I can see in this featurette about the movie, it looks like it’s going to be closer to those old Three Stooges 3-D movies from the 50’s: Hey, look! Moe’s squirting oil directly at the camera!! NEAT!!

Despite the protestations of production designer Doug Chiang - the guy who made every ship and costume so ornate and shiny and new for the Star Wars prequels that they lost all potential charm and reality - this featurette shows quite clearly that the film is chock full of stuff flying directly at your face for the maximum in 3-D effect.

In other words, the film looks gratuitously 3-D.

While I must admit a certain amount of anticipation for a special effects extravaganza - I’m a huge sucker for those - this film looks to be a cheesy 3-D experience coupled with an obvious aping of 300 thrown in for the macho twenty year old males.

I am certainly supportive of Zemekis’ attempts to try new technology and push the boundaries of film possibilities, but it should be in service of story and character development. I don’t care about the oooh factor when rocks fly at my head as a boat is brought onshore (see the featurette for that pointless shot), and I don’t care about gratuitous shots of knives and arrows zinging at my face. What I do care about is a cohesive story that grabs my attention away from staring at the screen and saying, “Wow, that looks SO MUCH like the real Anthony Hopkins … if Anthony Hopkins was a mannequin!!”

I do, however, appreciate Angelina Jolie’s tits gratuitously flopping in my face. Thanks Robert!

The film comes out November 16th, and we shall see if it is the new revolution in film … or if Zemekis owes Moe Howard some royalties.

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7 Responses to “Beowulf - Comin’ Right At Ya!”

  1. Burbanked on November 14th, 2007 11:10 am

    Big agreement, Ray. I love Zemeckis and he’s truly a film innovator, but he needs to rein in the instinct to do these kinds of films because he can and instead do them because he should. Otherwise, it’s purely technology porn and just an empty exercise.

    I thought like you did - that the 3-D technique here wouldn’t be so overused! That shot of the guy on the horse holding the spear tip inches away is really pretty ridiculous and from the looks of this the film will be chock full of that crap.

  2. KC on November 14th, 2007 3:24 pm

    So it’s going to be gratuitous?

  3. Ray on November 14th, 2007 5:30 pm

    It’s a good word, KC. But not so much when you pay $9.00 for it at the box office.

  4. Megan on November 15th, 2007 5:07 pm

    I read a quote of Gaiman’s saying Zemeckis told him “there’s nothing you can write that I can’t film.” I wonder if Neil is happy with the results?

  5. Eric on November 15th, 2007 9:44 pm

    This movie will suck. The greatest 3-D effects in the world couldn’t save it.

  6. Elizabeth on November 17th, 2007 9:06 am

    The design, the effects, the 3-D are all AMAZING!!!!

  7. Ray on November 17th, 2007 4:31 pm

    @ Elizabeth - Okay, sure they’re eye-popping … but were you REALLY transported?? I found the entire thing rather cold and distant.

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