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Moralistically Fucked
I really can’t wait for this Presidential election to be over. Everywhere you look it’s one negative ad after another, one ridiculous lie after another and an overly annoying desperation out of the McCain camp. This however isn’t even what I’m most tired of.
What pisses me off the most about this election are the countless ignorant, racist, assholes who are supporting McCain. Before I piss every McCain supporter off, I’m not saying all of you are ignorant, racist assholes. Just most of you. When I see people on TV saying they support McCain or when I talk to people I know their main reason for supporting him are because of his morals and patriotism. Then they usually follow that up with “I can’t vote for no nigger”, “He’s a Muslim” or “He don’t even salute the flag”.
These are comments from people who are going to vote for somebody based on morals. Where are their morals? What about lying? Is that a good moral standard? McCain has accused Obama of everything except raping and impregnating Palin’s daughter. I guess lying is OK as long as you’re pro-life. McCain has also spent half of his campaign calling Obama names. The only thing he hasn’t called him is a spear chucking nigger and Black Hitler.
He spent this past week calling Obama a Socialist. When asked by Larry King last night, ” You don’t believe Barack Obama is a socialist do you?”
MCCAIN: “No, but i do believe that he has been in the far left of American politics and stated time after time that he believes in spreading the wealth around. He has talked about courts that redistribute the wealth. He has a record of voting against tax cuts. And for tax increases.”
This though, is apparently OK with the great moral coalition that backs McCain.
McCain’s high moral supporters have also been running around bullying everyone they can. Numerous Obama signs have been stolen from yards. It has happened in my white middle class neighborhood on many occasions. They have also been very aggressive and verbally attacking Obama supporters at campaign rallies.
This week as a McCain rally in Florida ended, two Cuban-American Obama supporters were surrounded by an angry mob of McCain supporters. The mob started screaming ‘Terrorist!’ ‘Communist!’ ‘Socialist!’” at the men and one man even threatened to kill one of the men. Another threatened to beat the men up. This is ridiculous and thoroughly disgusting. This is 2008 and the racism and hatred being displayed is unbelievable.
These people claim to be setting the moral standard in this country and they won’t vote for a man simply based on the color of his skin. What do they think he will be playing basketball in the White House or maybe him and a bunch or Aborigines with rings around their neck will be cookin’ up some chitterlings in the front yard while smoking a blunt. This country is Fucked if McCain becomes President. Not because of McCain, but because of these assholes who will continue to tear this country apart with their racist views. I mean their high standards and morals.
Knock Out
Whew, this is one slick and nifty thirty-minute spot that Obama peppered across the television dial. He has basically delivered the knockout punch to McCain’s swollen salivary gland, the final and merciful blow that will prove to galvanize Americans much more than Sarah Palin’s winks and short skirts.
Ross Perot may have done it first, but Barack did it better. I’m not trying to tell you how to vote, but … isn’t the choice obvious at this point????
The Day The Earth Yawned
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND showed awestruck humans facing the first contact by an alien race. INDEPENDENCE DAY gave us a full-scale alien invasion. So what does the new version of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL have to offer that we haven’t already seen?
From the looks of this new, extended trailer, not much.
Keanu looks like Neo on Prozac. Gort the robot looks like a lamer version of the new Cylon warriors from BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. The entire movie looks like a series of open-mouthed shock shots from a Spielberg highlight reel.
Yawn.
Want Your MTV?
MTV revolutionized television twice. The first time, it managed to turn a 24 hour music video channel concept into a cultural force - despite industry expectations. Then, MTV became the flashpoint for a then-experimental idea: reality shows. Since then, reality programming has (unfortunately) taken over the medium.
Now MTV has returned to its roots with the launch of MTVMusic. The channel is a stripped down, higher quality version of YouTube, and features a massive library of licensed music videos. There is even a feature to rate videos, which gives the site a chance to create a definitive list of the greatest videos of all time.
In honor of this new service, I am embedding one of greatest music videos of all time (in my opinion), from probably the most innovative video artists in music history:
Worst President Ever?
With less than a week to go in the American Presidential race, The Times in London is running a series of articles detailing a list of Presidents, ranked worst to best. The list is culled from the choices of a large group of historians and journalists.
Their choice for worst President of all time? James Buchanan (1857-1861), who presided over the build-up to the Civil War by unwisely shoving a thumb up his ass. Other notable fuckheads include the infamous Richard Nixon (of course) and, at only number 33 of 42, the incomparably bad George W. Bush.
For my money, the worst President in American history is Read more
The Rock N Roll Train Is Still Going
AC/DC are back. The classic rockers prove that if a formula works, why change it. AC/DC have only changed one thing in the last 30 years, their singer. That change wasn’t even by choice and even though such a change can kill a bad, they just rolled right on through. AC/DC are legendary, fun, loud and constant. They know what their fans want and they give it to them.
After years of touring, recording, and partying AC/DC is still on top. This week their new album “Black Ice” debut at #1 on the Billboard Top 200, selling 784,000 copies. They are also back on the road, for what some are saying maybe the final time. The first show of the tour took place Monday night in Wilkes-Barre, Penn. This maybe your final change to see one of hard rocks best, so if you have $100 extra bucks lying around, don’t miss this opportunity. If your debating on if it’s worth it, here is the opening night set list along with the concert intro and opening song.
01. Rock ‘N Roll Train
02. Hell Ain’t A Bad Place To Be
03. Back In Black
04. Stiff Upper Lip
05. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
06. Thunderstruck
07. Hard As A Rock
08. The Jack
09. Hells Bells
10. Shoot To Thrill
11. You Shook Me All Night Long
12. TNT
13. Whole Lotta Rosie
14. Let There Be Rock
15. Highway To Hell
16. For Those About To Rock
17. Anything Goes
18. Big Jack
19. War Machine
20. Black Ice
21. Bad Boy Boogie
Kevin Smith Is A Whorish Hack
My hatred for Kevin Smith is palpable. His mugging, formless face creeps into my nightmares … the words he speaks in interviews cause me to grind my teeth in agony.
I’ll give the guy some credit; he managed to make it in Hollywood by accident. The one film in his “collection” deserving of any substantial mention or praise - CLERKS, of course - was a foul-mouthed series of talking-head scenes that managed to find an audience due to its ultra-low budget. Smith did it just before video cameras and computers made it possible for anyone to do it, which is what made his achievment special while making what you and your friends filmed in your backyard just some home movies. Which is precisely my point: nothing in CLERKS by itself achieved greatness, except that it was made on a shoestring. The acting is horrible, the direction is beyond artless, the sound is barely recorded, and the screenplay (the film’s most celebrated quality) is self-consciously trying to shock. Nothing in the film transcends, other than the inspirational backstory of a bunch of losers who cobbled a film together with pocket change and made it.
Since the success of CLERKS, Smith has run the festival circuit several million times, talking and talking and talking about himself and his opinions. Meanwhile, he has released a series of films that demonstrate a serious lack of vision or artistry. Every film has taken place in some corner of hell Smith self-referentially refers to as the “Askewniverse”, which contains ever-present characters like Jay and Silent Bob. These characters are shoe-horned into his films despite the fact that they do not belong in the film (did Jay and Silent Bob really need to show up in MALLRATS, CHASING AMY, or DOGMA??) because Smith needs such audience-recognition to shorthand his limp, uninspired writing. Why create new characters and situations when you can just lazily fall back on previous characters??
With the success of the Judd Apatow films - a fact that apparently rankles Smith a little bit - Smith has decided to try and replicate the mainstream success of films like THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN and SUPERBAD with the publicity-baiting ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO. In this interview with First Showing, just listen to Smith talk about the “creative” direction he took for this latest film:
FS: One thing I’ve realized is that this movie has a much more mainstream appeal.
Kevin Smith: Yeah, it does have that feeling, yeah.
FS: Is that something you rationally thought about?
Kevin Smith: No. I just think it has to do with, when you remove Jay and Silent Bob from the equation, when you remove references to the other movies from the equation, even something as simple as taking it out of New Jersey, suddenly makes it more open to other people, which is strange to me. I never thought Jersey was something that was necessarily holding us back, but I’ve seen a few people comment on the fact. They’re like “thank god it’s not in Jersey, because the movie takes a whole different feel.” And I’m like, “Really?” Because we could’ve shot in Jersey. It’s not like we don’t get snow in fucking Jersey just as bad as they get in western Pennsylvania, but, for some reason, removing it from that removes it from the Askewniverse. It helps that the lead is the biggest comedy star of the moment. That kind of makes it more mainstream as well. But I don’t know. It wasn’t a conscious effort of, I’m going to do this in a way that a mainstream audience can get into. It’s just, other elements falling away and then adding elements, like Seth. Suddenly, it becomes little more mainstream.
Why on earth does Smith insist on using words like Askewniverse to describe his films?? Oh yeah … because it helps sell shit on his website. To me, it sounds more like that dorky kid in high school who would only refer to himself by his Dungeons and Dragons name. I am not Kevin, he bellows through the halls, I am Lord Of The Askewniverse!!!
Whatever.
The shocking revelation in the above quotation attributed to Smith is how very little invention goes into what me makes. To Smith, creative challenges in his films involve moving the film’s location to someplace outside of New Jersey. WOW!!! Way to stretch yourself as a writer and director, Kev!!! And apparently Smith, after eight or nine films, has finally managed to not rely on an appearance by Jay and Silent Bob in a film. AMAZING!!! It must have been tough to actually write something else after fifteen years in the business!!!
Imagine if Spielberg, after the success of JAWS, just kept making horror films about deadly ocean creatures for the following decade. Kevin Smith is simply a low-rent George Lucas, pathetically swimming in the same shallow baby pool while adamantly insisting that they are creative and worthwhile forces in film. He’s a less-talented M. Night Shyamalan, forever tied to the shocking twist of his initial success. Hell, even Scorcese managed to do something besides crime films with DeNiro.
I think Smith is a good guy, and he’d probably be fun at a bar after watching a movie. But make no mistake: he is not a filmmaker in any way other than the barest technical definition. The guy needs to retire and spend his years lecturing festival geeks about the subtle differences between the prequel trilogy and ass raping.
Whatever … Kevin, please stop making movies.
Real Monsters
During the Halloween season you hear many of mythical stories. Ones about mothman, Bigfoot, werewolves, and other strange creatures. But there is another creature you may need to be concerned about. Strange creatures have been washing up on beaches the past few years. They have appeared in New York, Russia and most recently Connecticut. The creatures all have the same beak-like mouth, sharp teeth, and fat hairless bodies. The Russian creature actually appeared to be reptile like, with a long tail. People have guess that the creature maybe a dog, a turtle or even a raccoon, but nobody really knows. These creatures could be from hell or even Mars and they should clearly be cause for concern. They may be lurking in our oceans the kill us and take over the world.
Joaquin Phoenix Retires
Our favorite harelipped performer, Joaquin Phoenix, has apparently decided to retire. At a benefit for the Association of Hole In The Wall camps (a Paul Newman-inspired charity for sick children … terrible name for that organization, by the way), Phoenix mumbled to a flabbergasted E! reporter that he was retiring from movies. When the reporter (justifiably) laughs incredulously at the announcement, Phoenix gets pissed off and walks away.
Some people can be so fucking self-righteous. Who has the tighter asshole … Joaquin Phoenix or Cameron from FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF????? Man, I bet it’s hard being Joaquin’s friend in real life. Look at him wrong over drinks at a bar, and there’s going to be a crying session in the parking lot or a fist fight.
Note to Joaquin: Lighten up, dude. You’re a little too old and a little too overrated to have that “tortured artist/genius” primadonna attitude.
Greatest Movie Characters: Big Ernie McCracken
We want to start looking back at some of our favorite movie characters, and the people who brought them to life. Have any suggestions?? Leave them in the comments section!
Bill Murray was already a comedic legend by the time the infamous Farrelly Brothers tapped him to play the slimy, self-centered bowling champion Ernie McCracken in the 1996 comedy KINGPIN. He had established himself as the king of sarcasm in the late seventies on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, and then cemented his fame with scene-stealing turns in CADDYSHACK, MEATBALLS, and GHOSTBUSTERS. However, his true comedic masterpiece came midway through his career as “Big Ern” in KINGPIN.
Look at this subtle scene early in the film. Murray manages to make McCracken smarmy and sleazy, yet strangely likeable:
By the end, Murray’s McCracken has degenerated into a combover monstrosity of the highest comedic order. Look at how far Murray is willing to take the character into the depths of depravity and self-absorption:
According to Wikipedia, Murray ad-libbed every single line of dialogue in this film, which is remarkable considering the consistency on display. While KINGPIN boasts some terrific performances and memorable characters, Murray leads the way with his inspired, ego-free portrayal of one of cinema’s greatest villains. GENIUS!!
Here are Siskel and Ebert raving about the film, and singling out Murray’s perfect performance in particular:
How To Become a Millionaire
Anyone looking seriously at the current state of the economy and trends in business can see quite clearly that the only way to wealth and independence for most people is to create your own opportunities or businesses. The days of a person working for a company for forty years and earning a decent retirement are long, long gone.
For some people, a ridiculous idea and a lot of guts earns them their money - like the crazy dude who invented the Pet Rock. In other cases, Mother Invention smiles upon them and they stumble over a truly brilliant idea that makes them extremely wealthy. Take the man featured in this video, who has made a staggering amount of money off of a fun little gizmo you have likely heard of or even played with … check it out:
First Look at Lost’s 5th Season
DarkUFO they have gotten a hold of the first trailer for the fifth season of Lost. While there is not a whole lot of new footage there is some. It is mostly a recap of the events of Season 4. One note: Does the editing and wording prove that Jin is in fact dead? Seems that way to me. Take a look.
Unforgiven 2: Gran Torino
Clint Eastwood is a cinematic legend, and he could probably rape puppies onscreen and win Oscars for it. But rather than sit back and coast into the sunset on his respected reputation, Eastwood continues to push himself artistically.
Well, until now. Like some sort of cross between UNFORGIVEN and FALLING DOWN, his newest film, GRAN TORINO, features Eastwood as a grizzled old man who must unwillingly protect his neighborhood from the local gang. It feels small. Weightless. It is certainly a well-travelled trail for the Eastwood persona, while still managing to seem inconsequential.
Here’s the brand new trailer:
Becoming Fanatical
For those of you that are Lost buffs, you may be familiar with the brilliant docarzt blog. The fine Doc covers all angles of the show better than nearly any other fan site. Doc is also responsible for starting thetailsection.com which any regular reader will tell you has gone down hill drastically since Doc’s departure. The point is, he is a good writer and a sharp mind when it comes to the world of television.
Now enter Fringe, this fall’s hottest new show. Fan sites are already popping up only five episodes in. For all those who may be trying to get on the bandwagon, Doc’s fringefanatic.com is a good place to start.
Dance Dance Election
The Presidential election is less than a month away and Barack Obama running away with the Presidency. So, unless a bunch of dead people vote, the voting machines contain mystery votes before the election even starts or a candidates Governor family member helps McCain cheat his way into the Presidency, this thing is a done deal. So I think we should decide the election another way. A dance off.
Unbelievable McCain Vs. Obama Dance-Off - Watch more free videos
Gun To The Head
Axl Rose is insane. He should have stayed in that fucking cave for the rest of his life, rather than sully the once-great name of Guns and Roses with this new shitsmear called CHINESE DEMOCRACY. Take a listen to the lead single:
Horrid. Slash probably spent the day downing a bottle of whisky and laughing his ass off. I’d rather listen to Duff McKagan fart the Star Spangled Banner while slapping his ballsack.
Just awful.
Friday The Unnecessary
By now, probably everyone on Earth knows of my intense hatred for the remake cycle overtaking Hollywood. I can’t blame studio execs, though; they’re making a mint by tossing inferior remakes into theaters and watching the name recognition bring in big numbers.
Hot on the heels of Rob Zombie’s disastrous HALLOWEEN remake comes a remake of its slasher cousin, FRIDAY THE 13TH. Is it necessary? Absolutely not. Is it going to make a cool $25 million in its opening weekend? Probably, despite the fact that this new trailer shows just how glossy and predictable this money grab actually is:
NOTE TO HOLLYWOOD: There are actually movies out there begging to be remade. This ain’t one of them.
I Hate Nature
British dude David Attenborough has made a life out of studying animals and filming them for our enjoyment. Unfortunately, it seems that his travels have made him a bit, um, cranky.
“This animal is bullshit.” Brilliant!!!
Lost Madonna Found
She is arguably the most important musical figure of the last thirty years. Through most of that time period, she has managed to carefully craft manage both her image and her music. But her early days, long before she achieved her desired megafame, were carefree and much more playful than the hardened businesswoman in the limelight today.
And now we have a glimpse into Madonna’s earliest recordings. Interspersed with her acceptance speech this summer at the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, the recordings reveal the bawdiness and innocent experimentation that informed her earliest work. Check it out:
Even at this point, Madonna showed a keen interest in learning how to play instruments and compose music, a quality her vast army of imitators lack. Anyone who tries to write off this woman as insignificant or talentless is a fool.
Thanks to my boy Rex over at Fimoculous!
Really O’Reilly
Who actually watches The O’Reilly Factor with the infamous Bill O’Reilly? I mean, besides those who want a laugh akin to watching toothless hoosiers fight on Jerry Springer??
Apparently this little kid has been studying O’Reilly’s every move, and it’s translating into internet stardom. I have no idea who he is, or what geniuses spawned him, but he has O’Reilly’s insane ranting down to a science. He belongs on Saturday Night Live PRONTO!
