In my defense re: the new Movie Blog formula, the site’s consistent brilliance — its blinding insight, its sharp wit — has shamed me. Reading it only reminds me of my own inadequacies, so I shun, rocking myself to sleep in the corner.

All kidding aside, Culture Snob, that was absolutely wildly funny.

And sorry, Ray, but “genious”? “wretch”? Who are you, Campea?

OOOPS. DAMNIT.

Now, everybody hold your breath and wait for Giovanni to magically appear here and say something like, “You guys can say whatever you want … I am not responding to your insults. I am Giovanni!”

Of course, Culture Snob forgot to mention the Movie Blog posts, more frequent these days, that start off, “I was talking to my good friend (insert Hollywood C-lister) on the set of this movie that I was an extra in.”

The guy makes me want to wretch.

1) Start with “I’m not a big fan of ________.”

1a) Alternatively, start: “Hey there guys. John here. I’m not a big fan of ________.”

2) Reverse the thinking, saying that a new project by ________ really has you excited, because the trailer rocks, and we all know the predictive quality of a movie’s trailer.

3) Link to the trailer.

4) Accompany the post with a picture of yourself.

5) Punctuate randomly, being particularly generous with misplaced apostrophes.