Everyone has spent the day poring over the new trailer for INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. While I thought the trailer was a whipsmart homage to the feel-good eighties era of moviemaking, something dark and cynical rose up from my aging heart while watching it.
We’ve been through this before.
Sure, this is one hell of a fun trailer:
It’s humorous, brimming with ridiculous action, and loaded with the type of imagery that Spielberg left in his toybox ten years ago. As soon as the John Williams RAIDERS overture kicks in, you cannot supress a nostalgic smile. Aside from bits of obvious CGI trickery, the trailer is nearly a note-perfect recreation of Indy’s past adventures.
Yet, we all know that, behind the lush sunset cinematography, winking performances, and dusty, heightened shadows, George Lucas lurks with Jett and a copy of the script. We know that every Spielbergian flourish will be tweaked and edited and color-corrected until we barely recognize Harrison Ford’s Photoshopped face. Deep down we know that someone or something somewhere will fart or step in shit all because Lucas is there, hunched in a chair, mumbling orders to 2000 ILM graphic artists.
We know this because we already lived this nightmare.
I spontaneously ejaculated for the first time on November 17, 1998 when the first trailer for STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE hit theater screens in front of MEET JOE BLACK. To this day, that first trailer is one of the best examples of trailer editing in history, deftly combining classic Star Wars music with a dizzying array of spectacular new visions:
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=6iIzDJ1o0Ow[/youtube]
Of course, fans were famously disappointed by the film.
But Lucas won over a sceptical fanbase with the masterful trailer for EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES. That final shot, a perfectly-composed tableau of Jedi warriors surrounded by attacking robots, sent fanboys into a slathering primal scream of ecstacy:
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=Eea-Ky1a9Bs[/youtube]
Lucas wisely left out the “romantic” aspects from this trailer, something that eventually sunk the film.
Undeterred, Lucas released another brilliant trailer for EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH. Teasing shots of a volcanic planet once again caused the fanboys to forget the lessons of the past:
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=2AIvwODNB6A[/youtube]
Aside from the last thirty minutes, the film didn’t live up to the promise of that trailer.
So please excuse me if I don’t get too excited about this new Indy trailer. Lucas made it to steal out hearts and pocketbooks.
To borrow a phrase from Battlestar Galactica, “All this has happened before and will happen again.”
George Lucas has done more to destroy my childhood than the person who told me Santa Claus is not real.
I don’t pray, but I’m praying.
@ Jared- Don’t quote BG, especially since it’s a bastardization of the brilliant original.
@ Megan – Your prayers might be more realistic than the CGI car chase in the trailer.
I went back, and actually watched ALL the trailers this time. You know what? It’s the John Williams Power that makes you believe…
@ Ray – do not knock the new BSG until you watch it. Ever think that maybe it is time to grow out of the 1970′s?
@ Megan – That is the best theory I have ever heard, and I tend to agree with you.
@ Jared – Was I alive in the seventies??
There’s no doubt that John Williams earns his paycheck with every frigging trailer made from the movies he’s scored. The man and his music are cinematic icons that have and will linger throughout history.
But good God, that Raiders score is chopped up here, isn’t it? It starts, it repeats the same pieces, it starts again, it builds and then ends abruptly; are you telling me that no one could figure out a way to take one of film’s most recognizable scores and NOT find two contiguous minutes of it?
I have to put some thought into what I want to say about this trailer. I didn’t get to watch it until late last night and parts of it have me feeling cranky. You’re right though, Ray – these trailers are ALWAYS great, ALWAYS get your blood pumping, and then the (Lucas) movies let you down.
Terrifyingly enough, you know who else does this really well? Michael Bay does this really well.
@ Burbanked – Um, Spielberg has had a few films that have let us down, too. Remember A.I. – ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE??
Also, you really fucking despise Michael Bay. I’m glad you’re not still in Hollywood, where you’d be within earshot / striking distance of the guy.
This trailer is fun but I tend to agree with you. It means nothing. There are a few shots here that really have me worried.
I relate to Michael Bay like I’m a beaten, abused dog. Each time he’s got a movie coming out, I run, eager tail wagging, toward the beauty and hype-building splendor of his exquisitely-cut trailers. But when I arrive at the full-length movie, he takes such great delight at smacking, kicking, punching and just humiliating me with his own particular brand of Chaotic Movie Aneuryism-Making®
® Michael Bay Industries, 1995