Many companies have spent the last couple of years desperately trying to invent ways to use the brushfire powers of viral marketing to sell products through the internet. Most of the time web users sniff out these attempts before they ever go viral, thwarting their expensive marketing efforts.
But Juicy Fruit has come up with an idea just crazy enough to work. They realized that anything unicorn-related gets attention online, so they recruited a unicorn puppet to lip-sync to romance ballads. Simply titled Serenading Unicorn, the ads are a partnership between Juicy Fruit and the Jim Henson Workshop. You can see the money and skill dripping off the frame thanks to the very high production values and expensive pop songs. While I’m still a bit confused as to how this sells sticks of gum, it sure is mesmerizing.
We’ve probably all looked at the front of a car and thought, “That kinda looks vaguely like a face.” But we probably never looked at it and thought, “This car needs some eyelashes.”
But someone did, and now they’re trying to earn a few Pet Rock-like bucks selling Carlashes. For only $24.95, you can stick these dumbass eyelashes around your headlights and drive around town like a clown. And for $19.95 more, you can add “crystal eyeliner” over the top of it for that extra DAZZLE!
Aren’t we in some sort of recession? Do people really have the disposable income to waste on shit like this?
When I look at my junk, tattooing is probably the last thing I think it needs. Grooming and an occasional bar of soap, yes. Tattoos? Maybe not.
The latest craze to sweep the Sex And The City crowd of overpaid, self-obsessed shrews is something called “vattooing.” As the name coyly suggests, it’s tattooing on a vagina. I really don’t mind if a woman vattoos her hoo-hah, just as long as the tattoo doesn’t read “Ray Stay Away.” Because, you, know, I sure do love the pussy.
How would you like to be the poor girl that is forced to spray paint stupid-looking shit on the slits of these miserable whores? And please wear some reinforced latex gloves! We’re talking about sluts getting tattoos on their axe-slash! They’re not exactly virginal Heidi skipping down the mountain from her secluded forest home! If you’re going to put your hand where countless men have deposited their gene pool, you might as well just go and start licking toilets in the mall.
And to any of you dudes who’ll start telling me how “hot” it is for one chick to do this to another chick, come on over to my place … I wanna show you how hot it can be for one guy to spray paint Pepe Le Pew on another guy’s taint. It’s the same damned thing!
Trade Martin was a respected American musician, songwriter, and producer, until now.
Martin was part of the group Johnny & the Jokers in the late 50′s until launching the label Rome Records in 1960 and in the 70′s wrote several film scores. He’s most noted for the thirty years of production and arrangement work he did for acts like Lesley Gore, Rick Nelson, and Solomon Burke. He also wrote a number of songs covered by noted acts, including Dusty Springfield, B. B. King and Dave Edmunds.
Now however, all respect is gone. He has recorded and released a video mostly to Christian Conservative radio. The song, “We’ve Got To Stop The Mosque At Ground Zero” is terrible and clearly just a blatant opportunity to cash in on the displeasure of the large majority of people out spoken by the building of the mosque. This will undoubtedly become some sort of ridiculous rally song, instead of being disregarded for being the pile of shit that it is.
No matter what you think about the building of the mosque, you have to agree that this song sucks.
Consumer alert: the Consumer Protection Agency has declared that the Snazzy Napper is dangerous for your health because I will kill every person I see wearing one.
And I thought a “Snazzy Napper” was some fancy-looking contraption black people wore in their hair.
The part I’m most bothered by is the fact that they will sell 50 million of these dumb fucking things. (more…)
