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Destruction Of Politics Will Be Televised
We all remember the “Dean Scream” from the 2004 Democratic convention. We also remember the “Swift-boat” scandal of the 2004 Presidential race. We may also be old enough to remember the cruel jokes and marginalization of a jug-eared independent nominee in 1992.
All of these and more have something in common. Each person involved - Howard Dean, John Kerry, and Ross Perot - had their pursuit of the White House irreparably destroyed by the media. In each case, these nominees made just enough noise to make themselves known before they were torpedoed by Big Media and their pre-determined winners.
Now the same thing is happening to arguably the best story on either side of the political spectrum during this election year. Only this time, one of the big boys is owning up to it.
“Road’s” First Flaw
The movie adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s brillant novel The Road sees it’s first serious flaw; not casting the man above, Viggo Mortensen. So, who’s getting the part?
White Power?
In the latest edition of the St. Louis American, a weekly newspaper aimed at the African American reader, entertainment reporter Kenya Vaughn had some interesting news regarding her viewing of Tyler Perry’s latest film. Please read her article here.
According to the article, the ticket sales for several different showings of Why Did I Get Married? were credited to other films. Many loyal Perry patrons discovered that the tickets sold to them had a different film’s title on them.
While I am sure that isolated mistakes happen in ticket sales, this seems intentional. As eye opening as Ms. Vaughn’s article was, the most disturbing thing to me was the comments which followed. By the number of emails and phone calls registered, it seems obvious that this is occurring all over the country.
Why?
The Encyclopedia Of Sellouts
Have you ever wondered why Metallica suck? Or maybe, why they sold out after years of preaching their rebellious, I don’t give a shit attitude? Well, those answers and more are only a few days away.
When Lawyers Attack
Lawyers are the lowest form of life on the planet (well, OK, they are above grocery store workers) and there are way too many of them corrupting our world. They are constantly chasing ambulances so they can have a big class-action lawsuit, a lawsuit that will get each of their one million clients $25, while they rake in $25 million.
It looks like these great pieces of shit found a new victim for their big class-action lawsuit. Those victims are bands that cancel concerts. Who’s the first victim, you ask?
“Saw” Enough Yet?
Next weekend, the next installment of the washed up, very drawn out, repetitive Saw franchise, Saw 4 will be released. The latest tale of Jigsaw and his apprentice Amanda and their plan to rule the world their continuing game of torturing comes out just in time for the Halloween season.
Heavier Than Heroin
Courtney Love, the murderer of Kurt Cobain, continues to rape him for assets to supply her with a steady stream of drugs.
According to Variety, Courtney will executive produce a new movie detailing the life and death of Cobain, all based on the best selling biography Heavier Than Heaven by Charles Cross.
Star Trek Chokes It
Endless, breathless announcements have clogged movie websites in recent days regarding J.J. Abrams’ reboot of the Star Trek franchise; in fact, Obsessed With Film had no fewer than three consecutive stories on the project today.
All of this bluster for something so completely and thoroughly dead.
CNBC Ruins Debate
Yesterday, the Republican debate caravan moved into economically-depressed Michigan for another wild match, this time carried by CNBC. In between long stretches of terroristic, war-mongering rhetoric from “front-runners” Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, the other candidates were allowed scant minutes to get their point across.
The worst treatment was once again doled out to this man right here:
It is absolutely shocking that a forum of debate in America can be so terribly censored by favoritism and partisan-pandering. Ron Paul, the only candidate with any semblance of sense, decency, and strategy, was completely blockaded from participating in this debate. Just look at the few opportunities given to Paul during this TWO HOUR debate:
Be Kind, Skip This
Our dear friend Alan at Burbanked left us with a noggin full of questions in this article about the upcoming feature film Be Kind Rewind. This pus-covered intestinal fluke stars Jack Black and Mos Def as video store owners who lose their inventory of movies, and, in a pinch, decide to recreate the films themselves.
Check out the trailer first:
Ferrell Gets Lost
I like Will Ferrell. Chris and Eric both like Will Ferrell. And we know for a fact that KC would love to be Ferrell’s personal bidet.
But no amount of love for Ferrell’s early comedic gems can sweeten the bitter taste of his newest project, one that will soon rival Evan Almighty as one of the worst comedic projects of recent times. It may make Leonard Part 6 look like Tootsie.
Queen Clay
On November 11, a tribute to the legendary rock band QUEEN will be released. The album, entitled “Rock n’ Royalty: A Very Special Tribute To Queen” would be a great oppertunity to bring some of rocks biggest bands/singers in to pay tribute to the band. Queen’s back catalog of music paired with some of music’s best bands could be an amazing album. Their is one slight problem though.
TinTin Is ShitShit
America’s new favorite pasttime is to steal successful ideas from other countries. We tend to do it all the time for horror movies and T.V. shows. They usually don’t work, with the exception of a few. The U.S version of the T.V. show The Office has become a hit, and the Americanized version of Ringu did rather well in theaters.
Led Poisoning
Seventies rock powerhouse Led Zeppelin ranks among the greatest acts in the history of music. Their blend of blues, rock, and world music catapulted them to the front stage, influencing countless acts and inspiring many artists in a variety of disciplines.
Now they have decided to reunite for one show only.
Again.
The band, which dissolved in 1980 following drummer John Bonham’s death, hasn’t played together onstage since their 1985 Live Aid performance. They have, however, been featured in different configurations since then, most notably for a best-selling acoustic set starring lead singer Robert Plant and guitarist/genius Jimmy Page.
Here is the news announcement:
One ‘Extra’ Chance…
After her expected embarassing performance at the VMA’s, Britney has been invited to try her comeback one more time… Read more
Hollywood Prepares For Battle
Next year we may see a monumental strike of the Writer’s Guild, the Director’s Guild, and the Actor’s Guild against the studios of Hollywood - and I say good riddance. If the studios had any brains at all, they would pursue all of the talented independents out there who have been shut out of the exclusive Hollywood party thus far. These guys can make effective movies cheaply, and would gratefully do so for much less money than the current fat cat union workers would ever consider.
Of course, Hollywood studio executives have no brains. So instead, they are stockpiling a bunch of shitty films from which they can feed like leeches while they hunker down during the strike.
Studio executives have been circulating a list of projects deemed “highest priority” - quality considerations be damned - among the various talent agencies in order to line up union talent and complete them. Now that list has, like everything else today, made it onto he internet.
Look into the mind of madness, and see what films will make your eyes water, your jaw angrily clench, and your bowels disgorge in fury over the next two years:
Ron Paul FOX O’Reilly’s Uptight Ass
Republican Presidential candidate Dr. Ron Paul looks like a nice, grandfatherly old man. The former obstetrician-turned-Congressman is generally polite, intelligent, and genial.
But damn, don’t get him pissed off.
Maybe his anger stems from staring into 4,000 pussies and having afterbirth squirt all over him. Or perhaps he is just a patriotic person who has finally lost his patience with the cruel and unjust state of the Union. Whatever the case, Paul has shown a fearlessness unequaled in my lifetime. The questions and debates raised emphatically by Paul will resonate throughout the election season, whether he is part of the process or not .
In his long and winding trip through the bewildering stupidity of Republican Americans, it was only a matter of time before he found himself on Monday night trapped in the Filthy Colon of the Elephant: The O’Reilly Factor. Armed with his calculated intellect and bold proclamations, Paul took on The Devil Bill O’Reilly, who once more demonstrated that he has the interview skills, intellect, and personal hygiene of a rampaging baboon.
Check it out:
The End Of Britney Spears
MTV should be ashamed of itself for parading a sick, mentally-handicapped person around onstage in order to drum up interest in their pathetic Video Music Awards show which aired tonight.
Britney Spears opened the show - and closed her career - with a “performance” of such stunning ineptitude that even Ashlee Simpson must be shaking her empty head over it.
Take a look at this trainwreck:
Warner Brothers Re-making “Transformers”
Can you believe this? This is really going to piss Paramount off. Warner Brothers is re-making the 2007 classic film “Transformers.” Crazy… Read more
Kingsley Gu-ruins Career
“Sir” Ben Kingsley, who at one time rocketed to international acclaim based solely on his acting skills, has decided to offer up his tender anus to the giant cock of corporate Hollywood. Again.
The star of recent classics like Bloodrayne and Thunderbirds has decided to finally finish off any value his Oscar for Gandhi may still retain. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Kingsley will co-star in the upcoming Mike Myers “comedy” The Love Guru.
Ugh. That sentence pained me to type.
Kingsley will portray a shaman by the name of Guru Tugginmypudha - yeah, read that name again so that you don’t miss the hilarity - who helps Myers’ character, Love Guru Deepak Chopra, to “love himself and wear a chastity belt.”
HUH?
As most people know, I have come to allergically despise Mike Myers, his three revolving accents, and his constant mugging for the camera. But even if you enjoy Myers’ commercial brand of sell-out, grade-school-level comedy, this idea sounds like a bag of ass. Not only that - Myers is obviously pandering yet again by hiring the inimitable thespianic (new word alert) talents of Jessica Alba and Justin Timberlake in order to attract the kids to the theaters. This thing isn’t worth the stain in one of Gandhi’s diapers.
I think it’s time for the British government to remove the knighthood from Kingsley’s rapidly declining name. While they’re at it, do the same for McCartney and Elton John.
