A Tribute to Corey Haim???

Corey Haim’s body will be laid to rest in a small ceremony in Toronto, Canada tomorrow, officially ending the drug-addled saga of Hollywood’s latest child actor/victim. But it’s not, however, the end.

When I wrote about Haim’s death a few days ago, I mumbled something at the end of the article that is now proving prophetic. I said, “Hopefully (Feldman) doesn’t use this as a publicity stunt like his Michael Jackson bullshit last summer.” Well, unfortunately, Feldman today announced that he will indeed be making this into a publicity stunt. He is planning a star-studded tribute to the late actor next month in Los Angeles.

I don’t know if Jermaine Jackson will show up to sing again – I certainly hope not – but you can be assured that Feldman will sing a song for his missing friend. And when he does, it will surely be one of the worst moments of the year, a trainwreck of monumental proportions. To give you some idea of what is in store at this memorial, here’s a horrific clip from The Two Coreys in which Feldman sings to his wife on Valentine’s Day. It is beyond awful:

I hope nobody talks Feldman out of singing at this thing. It’ll be hilarious.

Fuck You Lowes and G.E. Money!

A few days ago I was shocked to receive a letter from G.E. Money, the lending institution that finances several companies, including Lowe’s home improvement stores. I received a Lowe’s card with a $300 limit in the summer of 2006, despite a spotty credit history. It wasn’t much, but I wanted something to use in case the house needed repairs. The letter said that they were cancelling my account.

Huh? I had never missed a payment during the entire time I had the card, and paid it off several times. I hadn’t even had a balance on it since last September. My general credit report has vastly improved since 2006, and my credit score is now 700. Yet somehow this has happened.

I have no problem shopping elsewhere for home supplies. Home Depot is convenient and friendly, and the internet allows me to buy things at a discount. But it was nice to have that extra credit and store; the open credit account only helps boost my credit even more.

I just spent several minutes chewing out the very nice lady that answered my call at Lowes. I just find it hard to believe that any company in these economic times would choose to alienate customers who have conscientiously paid their bills and wisely used the credit extended to them. It’s safe to say that I will never spend another penny at a Lowes ever again, and I will never use credit from G.E. Money, either. It’s time that average consumers, the ones responsible for bailing out these irresponsible banks, started letting their money do the talking.

FUCK YOU LOWES AND G.E. MONEY!

Almost A Dead Man

This past Sunday, at WWE’s Elimination Chamber Pay Per View WWE World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker almost saw his demise. This night he had more to worry about than the five men he would be locked in a cage with.

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Paul McCartney: Cheap Ass

What’s the deal with Paul McCartney? The guy is one of the wealthiest musicians of all time, with a fortune estimated in the hundreds of millions even after Heather Mills hopped away with some of it. He can just about buy anything he wants. Well, except for a hit, of course.

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Taylor Lautner Is Legal

Look at all of these retarded girls and queeny fags wishing Taylor Lautner a happy 18th birthday, which happens to be today. Yeah, the kid is cute. So what? How is Taylor Lautner anything other than this year’s version of Leif Garrett? Check out this hilarious and very sad video:

Who Dat?

Super Bowl XLIV is over and the New Orleans Saints won an outstanding game. The commercials were even better this year than in previous years. The halftime show however, that’s a different story.

A delusional old couple pretending to be Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend took the stage of the half time show. The two men looked more like an old couple who escaped from a nursing home and wondered on stage, than they looked the the legendary rock band The Who.

Daltrey looked like a 65 years old woman and sounded terrible.  He was missing notes and at times seemed to be forgetting the lyrics. It’s a good thing that they performed songs with repeating lyrics. Pete Townsend looked even more ridiculous with his doo-rag underneath his hat and jumping around like around like a retarded monkey.  At least he was able to to the big swinging arm more while playing guitar, he seemed to get that in about every 30 seconds. 

CBS and the The Who should be embarrassed by this.  CBS is so busy trying not to book bands that will offending anyone that they bore the hell out of us instead.

Who Wants This Band At The Super Bowl??

Imagine you’re the producer of the Super Bowl. You have the largest television audience at your disposal. You need a musical act of some kind to put center stage to entertain 2 billion people, including many youths. Who would you choose?

Certainly not The Who, a band that has been pointless since the mid-sixties. Their sole contribution to music is guitarist Pete Townsend’s swinging arm move. In fact, Townsend’s child pornography citation is the only thing the band has produced in thirty fucking years.

But there they will be, on the biggest stage in the world, playing a couple of songs that nobody under the age of 45 will remember. I’m sure they’re hoping for a boost in sales of their fifteenth greatest hits package – in stores now!!

The programming director for the Super Bowl, Charles Coplin, crowed about his choice of musical act in this article. Based on the acts employed recently for the halftime show, he went on to call the Super Bowl the “Ed Sullivan show of its time.” No, Charlie, it’s not. Sullivan actually went out on a limb night after night looking for new acts that appealed to the kids. He didn’t waste valuable broadcast time carting out obsolete old men and their two hits.

Here’s a radical idea: invite Jay-Z to perform at the Super Bowl. Hell, I’d take Lady Gaga over this shit. Fuck The Who.

Super Bowl Fags

CBS charges 2.3 million dollars per 30 second spot during the Super Bowl, so you’d think they would be eager to accept any ad from a company willing to fork over that much loot.

They are, as long as that company is straight.

Gay dating site ManCrunch attempted to buy a 30 second spot during the football game, but their application was denied. CBS executives claimed that they already had all of their spots booked, but it later came out that an anti-abortion group managed to get an ad on the channel. It’s a pretty obvious case of discrimination.

Of course, I’m not sure if there is a more male-oriented day during the year, and most of those guys really don’t want to see two dudes making out. It would make things uncomfortable around your buddies with all of those phallic-looking beer bottles everywhere.

Here’s the ad in question:

Aren’t you kinda glad your sons won’t be able to see that next weekend??

Another Perez Hilton Bellyflop

Perez Hilton tends to be somewhat like heroin; it’s bad for you, damaging to your brain, but irresistible. Gotta hand it to the guy … he has managed to make tons of money despite having very little talent.

In the last year, Hilton has tried various ways to expand his online gossip empire. He introduced a clothing line at Hot Topic, which ended up being a monumental disaster. Then he created a concert tour, which played to half-empty small venues that would make Anvil weep. Hilton then released a widely-ignored book, which everyone quickly discerned was simply a rehashing of stories from his website.

But Hilton’s latest venture feels like his most embarrassing enterprise yet. Hilton has teamed with rotoscoper Milkfat to create a webseries called Assisted Living. The show feels desperate, flailing limply to generate controversy. Mostly, it induces yawns.

Here’s the latest episode:

Eye Tattoos For Dumbshits

People in prison are generally not the most intelligent members of society. Their lifestyles should not be emulated by people wishing to remain on the outside.

So I find it a little odd that these idiots were featured on a news program sporting the latest in stupid tattooing: eye tattoos. Apparently, having nothing better to do, they took a hypodermic needle and injected colored dyes into their eyeballs in order to change the color of the white area.

This is not cool, nor is it wise to demonstrate this trend in prison fashion to impressionable young people who will inevitably blind themselves in the process. Check out the stupidity:

Tim Allen Sucks, Even When He’s Trying To Be Cool

Ya know, this video would be funnier if it didn’t look EXACTLY like every Tim Allen movie ever made. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is an actual trailer.

Maybe he’s going meta on us. But I doubt it.

Please Let This Be It

Michael Jackson has been dead for over six months now. His movie has come and gone. Hell, even the 35% of his body made of actual human flesh has disintegrated by now. Yet we’re still being deluged with Jackson-related garbage.

Not only are the money-hungry producers of Jackson’s This Is It pushing for a Best Picture Oscar nomination for their incomplete, hastily-edited rehearsal footage – possibly the worst Best Picture nominee ever conceived, but they have hired Spike “I hate the white man” Lee to direct a music video for the title song.

I really don’t care if you’re the biggest Michael Jackson fan alive, you must admit that this song sucks. It’s meaningless, with a limp vocal performance and even worse music. It’s not a fitting tribute to the man at all.

The video does a better job of saluting Jackson through pictures and video, with almost all of it coming from the pre-freak years. After the jump you can witness this newest Jackson-related cash grab:
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That’s Creepy, Brother!!!

Hulk Hogan was one of the biggest icons of the 80’s.  He made wrestling cool and mainstream.  He was not only the most popular wrestler in the world, but he was a actor, had a cartoon and his image was put on anything that you could sell.

Now however, Hulk Hogan is a joke.  After turning his family into reality show whores his marriage fell Part.  His wife left him for a 19 year old, his son when to prison and his daughter is one step from posing in Playboy or making a sex tape to get her singing career off the ground.   Now, Hulk is in the news again.  First he wrote a book about is downfall and now he’s engaged.  That would be great except for the fact that is fiance looks like an older version of his daughter.  That’s just creepy, BROTHER!!!!

Here’s is fiance.

Here’s his daughter.

Taylor Lautner – Action Hero?

To my dismay, it’s been announced that Paramount has signed Taylor Lautner to star in the big-screen adaptation of Max Steele, automatically anointing him as the next big action hero.

Sure, the kid is good looking and has some athletic ability – so what? Doesn’t an action hero require a certain amount of gravitas and life experience? Lautner’s biggest concern in his life to date has been a zit.

Not to mention the kid is a fag … that never goes over well with the popcorn crowd.

Sosa Lite

Former baseball cheater Sammy Sosa is in the news again. This times it’s not for steroids, forgeting to speak English or a comeback. Sosa showed up at the Latin Grammy Awards with a new look.

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A Rapping Twit

Everything Miley Cyrus does annoys the hell out of me and this is no different. I know all the 40 year old men will be heart broken not knowing when little Miley is shitting or putting on a Hannah Montana wig, but Miley has decided to close her Twitter account. That shouldn’t be annoying, right? Well in order to explain herself to all of her adoring pre-teen and pedophile fans she decided to rap about it and put it on YouTube.

Die Quickly!!!

The debate over healthcare reform is becoming more of a joke everyday. People are threatening each other, Congressmen are disrespecting the President on National TV and old people are being threatened with Medicare cuts. Now the sideshow in Congress just got even funnier. Democratic Rep. Alan Grayson (FL) stood on the floor of Congress and gave his version of the Republican Healthcare plan.

 

 

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So You Think You Can Flash

A contestant on So You Think You Can Dance gave the audience more than than they bargained far.   During the audition, a contestant began rolling around on the ground.  As her dress shimmied up above her waist, so could her that she wasn’t wearing any panties.  The amazing thing is that this actually air it onto the show with nobody seeing it.  Unfortunately this will just make the show more popular and the whore dancer will end up with a porn career.  If you want to see the slow motion video and uncensored picture, read more.  

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Serena’s Roid Rage

Tennis star Serena Williams should shay of the steroids for a while. Serena was getting her ass kicked in the semi-final match of the US Open and didn’t handle it very well.  After the first set she received a violation warning for breaking her racket.  As the match progressed and as a defeat seemed more evident, the roid rage set in. 

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The Westies

Since racist white America has robbed Kanye West at every single music award show for the past five years. Kanye has decided to start his own award show, the Westies. West will nominate and vote for the winner of each category himself to make sure the show is fair. He has already begun announcing the categories and nominees.  Here they are.

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