Swift Gays

There’s a pretty cute video being passed around this week based on the year-old Taylor Swift hit You Belong With Me. In the original video, Swift dances around her house in longing over her best male friend, who doesn’t seem to love her back.

In this new version, it’s a male friend longing after his straight buddy next door. What really sells this video is the appealing aw, shucks attitude of the straight guy; the gay guy is a little annoying, however. And never in a million years would I believe that hot girl would leave the muscle jock in order to hit on some lardass standing alone by the fence.

The video, made by college kids for a project, is remarkably well shot and constructed. Check it out:

SNL Presidents Try To Save Obama

Okay, now this is just fucking awesome. Funny Or Die has released a short (directed by Ron Howard!) that features all of actors who have portrayed Presidents on Saturday Night Live over the years. There’s Will Ferrell as George W. Bush, Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton, Dana Carvey (oh, how I’ve missed you!) as George Bush, Jim Carrey as Ronald Reagan, Dan Ackroyd as Jimmy Carter, and Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford. Amazing.

Dana Carvey and Jim Carrey win the battle as far as I’m concerned. Carvey in particular is hilarious. Hammond shines with his few seconds of dialogue; I always loved his Clinton (it would have been great to see Jan Hooks show up as Hillary …). Ackroyd does a good job with Carter, although it’s fairly boring (and he’s too damned fat). Chase is horrible as usual as Ford, easily the worst impression in SNL history. I’m surprised he didn’t break a hip falling on that table.

Anyway, here’s the skit. It’s just awesome:

Tim Burton Sucks

… And this brilliant video proves it. Watch immediately (click on Tim’s picture for more!)

Fight The Power!

Most people hate WalMart for all the wrong reasons. Some complain about the low wages for their employees, while others complain about the destruction of small business. Of course, people are actually just jealous that WalMart does such a good job at exploiting the benefits of capitalism.

And, in the case of this guy, he’s had more than enough of WalMart’s cheap prices, messy aisles, and smelly customers. So he took a baseball bat from sporting goods and began publicly demonstrating his rage in the electronics section. Check out the carnage:

Awesome!

PHANTOM MENACE – The Ultimate Review

We all realize that there is something really, really wrong with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, but it’s been hard to articulate. Usually we just end up saying that the movie “sucks” or “Jar Jar sucks” or “George Lucas raped my childhood.” You know, something insightful like that.

But someone has finally taken the time to sit down and tear apart the massive flaws in logic and storytelling that exist in the movie. In fact, there are quite a few that you never grasped in all of the time you watched the film. Even better, the guy is a character in his own right, and this massive 90 minute review is pretty damn funny.

Super Bowl Fags

CBS charges 2.3 million dollars per 30 second spot during the Super Bowl, so you’d think they would be eager to accept any ad from a company willing to fork over that much loot.

They are, as long as that company is straight.

Gay dating site ManCrunch attempted to buy a 30 second spot during the football game, but their application was denied. CBS executives claimed that they already had all of their spots booked, but it later came out that an anti-abortion group managed to get an ad on the channel. It’s a pretty obvious case of discrimination.

Of course, I’m not sure if there is a more male-oriented day during the year, and most of those guys really don’t want to see two dudes making out. It would make things uncomfortable around your buddies with all of those phallic-looking beer bottles everywhere.

Here’s the ad in question:

Aren’t you kinda glad your sons won’t be able to see that next weekend??

Orange You Sorry I Showed You This?

Last year some dude named Dane Boedi created a little film called The Annoying Orange. It was made using the old trick of superimposing human mouths and eyes onto fruit – fairly simple, and very annoying.

Now the orange has its own YouTube channel, and in just a few weeks has over 50,000 subscribers, and is rated the number 2 most popular channel on the site this month. Amazing.

Here is the first video that caused the sensation:

Tim Allen Sucks, Even When He’s Trying To Be Cool

Ya know, this video would be funnier if it didn’t look EXACTLY like every Tim Allen movie ever made. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is an actual trailer.

Maybe he’s going meta on us. But I doubt it.

Flight of the Conchords Crashes

One of the most brilliant shows to ever grace television, The Flight of the Conchords, has been cancelled after only two tiny little seasons. We first covered it way back in August of 2007, just after it premiered, which you can revisit here.

The show was probably too eclectic for most people, actually. In a faintly meta concept, the show revolved around two New Zealand singers named Bret Mackenzie and Jermaine Clement who perform under the name Flgiht of the Conchords – which is exactly the truth. Every week followed the boys as they struggled with girl problems and career problems, which then segued into amazing song/fantasy numbers.

Just watch this in amazement:

These guys are comedic geniuses who will be sorely missed. I’m not holding my breath for the rumored Conchords movie, either.

Hold On A Second

You know your basketball team sucks when players from the other team stop and tie their shoes in the middle of the game. That’s exactly what Toronto Raptor player Jarrett Jack did in a game against the pitiful Chicago Bulls. After receiving an inbound pass, he bent over and tied his shoe and the Bulls just ran around watching him. Not one Bulls player tried to take the ball. Needless to say the Raptors beat the Bulls by 32 points that night.

Black Idiot Friday

Local television ads can be so much fun sometimes. Around my area, we have Becky the fat carpet woman flying around on a magic carpet.

However, I’m somewhat relieved that we don’t have this guy shilling for flea markets here. This might be the worst jingle of all time, and his performance of it makes me look like Dr. Dre. Check it out:

So that’s what happened to Cameo.

Humor Instead Of Hope

Barack Obama is quickly becoming the black Jimmy Carter, a condescending lecturer with very few actual plans and even smaller balls with which to accomplish them. The American people are beginning to sense this, as Obama’s numbers continue to slide down the slippery slope into irrelevance.

And when that happens, you can count on good ol’ American sarcasm to lead the way. This past weekend on Saturday Night Live, Obama gets a nasty caricature in one of the best opening segments in the show’s recent history. Check it out:

Maybe Obama can plot another 9/11 in order to boost his popularity.

Punching Paparazzi

It seems that every so often a celebrity attacks a member of the paparazzi when they stray to close or their camera becomes a bit too obtrusive. In the past we’ve seen Leonardo DiCaprio and Sean Penn do it. And this week brought yet another, more obscure name to the club: James Gandolfini.

The Sopranos actor was strolling around with his family when they realized their movements were being snapped by a photographer … and James went mobster on his ass. The whole thing was caught on tape for our enjoyment:

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Christopher Walken Shows His Pokerface

Christopher Walken can be a terrifying presence onscreen, but he is also one of the funniest actors on the planet. His deadpan delivery, his halting speech pattern, his glassy, shark-like eyes … they all combine to milk laughs from even the thinnest material.

Here he is on live television doing a reading of Lady Gaga’s smash hit POKERFACE. Brilliant:

Is Keanu Reeves Immortal?

The guy never seems to age. He also feels wiser, more at peace than other people.

Now we might finally know why:

BRILLIANT!

Celebrity Freakshow Fucks Pop Culture

Whenever you type in the words “Michael Jackson Tombstone Revealed” into Google, a curious article appears on a site called Celebrity Freakshow. And with it, a horrible picture like this:

There are other assorted nasties on there, including this very nearly accurate portrayal of Ryan O’Neal pimping a new reality show with the corpse of Farrah Fawcett:

The site is a spoof on celebrity culture – as if that needs much enhancement. If you like The Onion, I’m sure this site is for you … hopefully you also get the psychiatric help you need.

Die Quickly!!!

The debate over healthcare reform is becoming more of a joke everyday. People are threatening each other, Congressmen are disrespecting the President on National TV and old people are being threatened with Medicare cuts. Now the sideshow in Congress just got even funnier. Democratic Rep. Alan Grayson (FL) stood on the floor of Congress and gave his version of the Republican Healthcare plan.

 

 

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Jackass

This is what Barack Obama, President of the United States of America thinks of Kanye West.

The Westies

Since racist white America has robbed Kanye West at every single music award show for the past five years. Kanye has decided to start his own award show, the Westies. West will nominate and vote for the winner of each category himself to make sure the show is fair. He has already begun announcing the categories and nominees.  Here they are.

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The Adam Sandler Problem

On a list of the most financially successful movie comedians of all time, Adam Sandler would probably be fourth behind Eddie Murphy, Jim Carrey, and Mike Myers. Sandler has two of the top 25 highest grossing movie comedies with BIG DADDY and THE WATERBOY, two of his worst films. Yet, unlike those other three comedians, Sandler is often universally despised and panned by movie critics across the country.

Why? Because he’s just not particularly funny.

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