Carrot Top Is A Freak

What horrible childhood trauma occurred in the young life of Carrot Top to make him morph into a ginger-haired version of Michael Jackson?

The guy managed to achieve some level of fame in the late eighties/early nineties with an act full of groan-inducing sight gags. Once he made some cash, he decided to spend it on a series of face lifts and steroid injections that have turned him into the planet’s freakiest-looking dude. At this point, he probably terrifies his own mother.

TMZ caught up with Carrot Top on the streets of Los Angeles yesterday. Who knows why. But it does give us another opportunity to stare at a train wreck. By the way, there is no carpet – PUKE!

Courtney Love: Heroin Skank

There are few things to actually say about this picture, which Courtney Love proudly posted on her Twitter account. She looks like she just spent three straight sleepless days shooting cocaine up her ass while beaing beaten with a sack of doorknobs. I haven’t had sex since Reagan was in office, and I still wouldn’t fuck her. Needless to say, this will be exhibit “A” in the trial that frees Nirvana’s back catalogue from her evil clutches.

Run, Francis Bean … RUN!!

Eye Tattoos For Dumbshits

People in prison are generally not the most intelligent members of society. Their lifestyles should not be emulated by people wishing to remain on the outside.

So I find it a little odd that these idiots were featured on a news program sporting the latest in stupid tattooing: eye tattoos. Apparently, having nothing better to do, they took a hypodermic needle and injected colored dyes into their eyeballs in order to change the color of the white area.

This is not cool, nor is it wise to demonstrate this trend in prison fashion to impressionable young people who will inevitably blind themselves in the process. Check out the stupidity:

Worst Dance Video Of All Time

Words cannot describe the horrors of this video, which seems to be ripped directly from the nightmares of the most perverted and disgusting choreographer on Earth. Watch this now:

Wow. Beyonce, I hope you’re watching.

That’s Creepy, Brother!!!

Hulk Hogan was one of the biggest icons of the 80’s.  He made wrestling cool and mainstream.  He was not only the most popular wrestler in the world, but he was a actor, had a cartoon and his image was put on anything that you could sell.

Now however, Hulk Hogan is a joke.  After turning his family into reality show whores his marriage fell Part.  His wife left him for a 19 year old, his son when to prison and his daughter is one step from posing in Playboy or making a sex tape to get her singing career off the ground.   Now, Hulk is in the news again.  First he wrote a book about is downfall and now he’s engaged.  That would be great except for the fact that is fiance looks like an older version of his daughter.  That’s just creepy, BROTHER!!!!

Here’s is fiance.

Here’s his daughter.

Real Men Do Not Wear Crocs

Pictured at left is a pair of Crocs. If you’ve been to a Wal Mart in the last five years, you’ve probably seen them on the stinky, swollen feet of some pathetic lardass. Or possibly the screaming offspring of that lardass. Or both.

Frankly, I have no idea why anyone would want to wear gelatinous rubber slippers anywhere except the pool. Nor can I understand why anyone with any sort of personal respect and decency would wear them at all. These shoes are meant for overweight, Frito-munching, American Idol-watching, Natural Light sucking, trailer-park hoosiers. These shoes belong only on the gnarly hooves of the unwashed scum at the very bottom of the food chain.

But under no circumstances should these shoes ever, ever, EVER appear on an adult male. Ever. I don’t care if the dickhead scrubs the greasetrap at Jack In The Box for minimum wage and lives in his mother’s broomcloset. No man should ever be seen in a pair of these horrendous, feminizing shoes. Rather than spend a dime on these shoes, just go out in public wearing a shirt that reads, “I give up on this life. It’s too difficult for me.” Better yet, just put a fucking shotgun in your toothless mouth and blow your brains out the back of your head. You should have developed enough of a nutsack to know better than that.

So don’t wear fucking Crocs around me, or I’ll bash your worthless fucking face in like a baby seal. I mean it. Grow up and act like a man.

So You Think You Can Flash

A contestant on So You Think You Can Dance gave the audience more than than they bargained far.   During the audition, a contestant began rolling around on the ground.  As her dress shimmied up above her waist, so could her that she wasn’t wearing any panties.  The amazing thing is that this actually air it onto the show with nobody seeing it.  Unfortunately this will just make the show more popular and the whore dancer will end up with a porn career.  If you want to see the slow motion video and uncensored picture, read more.  

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Reanimating Michael Jackson

The second wave of vultures have descended on the corpse of Michael Jackson, propping him up for their own personal gain.

Last night’s VMA ceremony opened with a ridiculous performance by Janet Jackson. Promised to make everyone cry, she instead forced everyone to shake their heads at her. Janet, your career is over. Stop milking your dead brother’s memory to boost it.

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Hottest Michael Jackson Video Ever?

As we fall away from the shocking and sudden death of Michael Jackson, we start to reminisce about various aspects of his talent and legacy.

One of the curious things about Jackson was his sexuality. At one time, he was considered the sexiest singer on the planet, which is hard to remember after years of freakish plastic surgeries. There certainly weren’t too many women lining up to be humped by the Zombie Michael we all knew and feared from the last decade. But his videos were, for the most part, much more reflective of the man himself – asexual, puerile, childish, and extravagant. Only in a few videos did Michael dabble with sexual themes or adult situations.

So I ask – which Michael Jackson video do you think is the hottest or sexiest video he ever made?

Here are your choices:

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Even Heroes Shit Themselves

I will always despise George Brett for leading the Kansas City Royals to victory over my beloved St. Louis Cardinals in 1985.

And that’s why it’s nice to hear him admit he is a disgusting, incontinent slob.

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Walrus Wanking

You know those awkward moments when you take you little kids to the zoo and they want to know why the monkey has a big red ass.  Or when they say Daddy, why is that goat on the other goats back and pushing him real hard?  Or my favorite Daddy what is that big thing underneath the Horsey? 

Well I have a new one for you.  Next time you go to the Zoo, hopefully you won’t have to answer this question.  Daddy what is that walrus doing?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybK_qbo9h70[/youtube]

Growing Old In The Age Of Photoshop

Aging sucks. Ask any of the millions of Baby Boomers now pouring billions into the skin care and vitamin industries in a desperate attempt to outsmart Mother Nature, and they will confirm this emphatically. Nobody likes to gaze into a mirror and see liver spots, sagging necks, fish-white paunches, and varicose veins snaking up their legs.  Unfortunately, it happens to everyone.

Or does it? You see, celebrities approaching the “golden” years of their life have the money and resources available to stop their physical degeneration … at least they can delay the public’s perception of it. For instance, check out these pictures of Liza Minnelli featured in the most recent edition of Vogue magazine:

She sure looks swell, doesn’t she??? Was ARTHUR released just last week?? You couldn’t tell from these heavily Photoshopped glamour shots, neither of which contain even one true pixel of image information. As we all know, our favorite pill-popping alcoholic looks a bit more like this in real life:

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Good Samaritans

Look at those two girls.  They are cute young ladies, the kind with whom most men would love to spend some special alone time.  They look sweet and innocent, like somebody you would bring home to meet mom and dad.  Just make sure when you bring them home that grandma and grandpa aren’t there.

These two girls, 19 year old Brianna Marie Broitzman and 18 year old Ashton Michelle Larson are two of eight that are being charged with fifth-degree assault, abuse of a vulnerable adult by a caregiver, abuse of a vulnerable adult with sexual contact, disorderly conduct and failing to report suspected maltreatment.   The girls all worked together at Good Samaritan nursing home in Albert Lea, Minn.

The girls are accused of rubbing old men’s genitals until they got erections, rubbing their bare asses against residents and one even stuck her finger into a residents ass.  The question I have is this.  What’s the problem?  People pay good money for this type of thing.  If I was an old ass man and eight hot young girls wanted to molest me.  I’d say, bring it on.  They could each take turns doing all sorts of shit to me, and when I die I would die a happy old mother fucker.  So before you complain about your lonely old grandpa in a nursing home getting molested by hot young girls, ask yourself this: Would I have a problem with this if I were him?  I think we all know the answer.

These girls are just making the old guys happy.  After all, they do work for Good Samaritan nursing home.  They were just doing their job.

South Porking

We all felt this way about the violation of Indiana Jones in this past summer’s abomination, didn’t we? Matt Stone and Trey Parker have created a masterpiece for the season 12 premiere of South Park, depicting the brutal, serialized rape of Indiana Jones by George Lucas and Steven Spielberg in INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. It’s absolutely brilliant.

You can watch the whole show right here, or you can see some snippets below:

Machine Girl Rips Out Your Heart

A few years ago I told Chris this idea I had for a crazy, uninhibited film that crossed ninja warriors, giant, Godzilla-style monsters, invaders from space, and innocent kids turned into mutant robots. He looked at me with a justifiable look of concern.

Perhaps Chris should avoid the theater the day Machine Girl opens fire. It’s like something my brain farted after a night of reefer madness, inflatable sex, and White Castles.

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Ain’t So Sunny In Philly

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia begins it’s third season sun, and to promote the cult FX hit, the producers are holding true to the show’s low-budget roots.

The show was created on a DV camcorder by two struggling actors. It cost them $85 dollars to make. With that, they managed to sell the show to FX, which then turned it into a hit. The buzz attracted Danny Devito to join the cast for the second season.

I have a feeling he will enjoy the third season much, much more:

Thanks Moviezzz Blog!

Did He Really Want To Hurt Him

                   

Boy George is a fucking freak.  I’m not sure that anybody who has ever seen him would argue that.  From his very early years as lead singer of The Culture Club, where he paraded around in a dress, jewelry and more make up than Tammy Faye Baker, it was obvious that something may be wrong with him. 

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Homosexual Without A Cause

                   

A new story has come out about the sexuality of one of Hollywood sexiest stars.  In a recent interview, former Hollywood actress Noreen Nash sheds some light on James Dean’s homosexuality. 

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Weekend Whack Off

Besides preparing for the upcoming Hollywood Writer’s strike, nothing much is going on with media, so… we present something to take your mind off your troubles.

Well, maybe not so much this time. Instead, this innocent little flick might cause you to lose control of your bowels – if you’re lucky. For me, it caused a profound disgust of the human race.

This is not for the faint of heart. This is your only warning.

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Look Mom, Still No Panties

                   

I like everybody else, am tired of Britney Spears.  The problem is she just won’t stop doing stupid shit.  Today she skipped a special child custody hearing, that she requested.  Why could she possibly have been doing that was more important?   She was driving around with no panties and showing us all her snatch. 

The pictures are below, AND THE ARE DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK AND SHOULD ONLY  BE VIEWED BY ADULTS.  Read more

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