Many companies have spent the last couple of years desperately trying to invent ways to use the brushfire powers of viral marketing to sell products through the internet. Most of the time web users sniff out these attempts before they ever go viral, thwarting their expensive marketing efforts.
But Juicy Fruit has come up with an idea just crazy enough to work. They realized that anything unicorn-related gets attention online, so they recruited a unicorn puppet to lip-sync to romance ballads. Simply titled Serenading Unicorn, the ads are a partnership between Juicy Fruit and the Jim Henson Workshop. You can see the money and skill dripping off the frame thanks to the very high production values and expensive pop songs. While I’m still a bit confused as to how this sells sticks of gum, it sure is mesmerizing.
I’ve been known to make a drunken ass out of myself at wedding receptions. One time I grabbed this goofy chick named Christine, hoisted her up around my waist, and started dry humping her on the dance floor in front of little kids and old people. Of course, I couldn’t bounce her up and down like that for long (she wasn’t the slimmest girl in the room), so she fell backwards and bounced her head off the concrete floor. As you can imagine, that ended my dance routine in an ugly way.
Thankfully I do not pole dance (unless I’m getting paid, of course) like the whorish Jezebel in this video:
I love the shocked expression on Grandpa as she yells and writhes up and down on that pole. He looks like he’s ready to get his wallet out and give her a dollar. She looks like she’s ready to accept it, too.
I imagine she doesn’t get invited over to the bride and groom’s house very often, and if she does, the conversations must be awkward. “Hey, remember when you slutted-up my wedding reception, fucked a tent pole, and collapsed it on my fucking face and broke my nose?” asks the bride, glaring over a glass of Chardonnay and fake chuckling. “Oh yeah,” says Jezebel, embarrassed, “I’m sorry about that. AGAIN!”
This is why you shouldn’t serve liquor at your wedding reception. Or invite strippers to it.
Thanks Nikki for the tip! If you have stories you want to see, send ‘em to us via the contact page!
When will people stop trying to turn their small children into stars for their own personal gain? Why do people think it’s cute and funny to dress small children like little thugs and punks? The latest example of this corruption of childhood innocence and destruction of popular music comes from one half of the Insane Clown Posse, Violent J.
J’s, five year old son Violent JJ (clever, huh?) has released his first music video, Bad Bad Man. JJ is probably like every other little boy, he just wants to be like his bad. The only problem is his dad paints his face like a clown, throws soda on the crowd and raps about having sex with dead women.
As should be expected, JJ’s song is terible and hard to listen to for even the full two minutes. The video is an entertaining look at JJ’s experiences smacking around grown men in a wrestling ring. Some please stop letting this shit happen.
It’s been twenty years since the name Vanilla Ice meant anything other than a joke to anyone (oops, I forgot – Eric likes the guy for some reason). His one and only decent song was, of course, Ice Ice Baby, and that was primarily due to the memorable bassline stolen donated by Queen from their song Under Pressure. In fact, I think that song gave Freddie Mercury AIDS. After fifteen minutes or so, Rob Van Winkle (the “cool” real name of the one and only Vanilla) disappeared, mercifully sparing us from having to looks at his stupid eyebrows and baggy Hammer pants.
But I guess Vanilla Van Winkle never gave up on his dream to insult the collective intelligence of popular culture, though, since there’s this video floating around for some reason. To describe it is to stick your head into the jaws of madness. Simply put, ‘Nilla drives a car through fireworks and into a pond to the confused cheers of, like, five hoosier chicks. Bitches, I’m just as confused as you are.
Too bad the dumbass didn’t drown. Then he’d REALLY be famous!
Raising your children to release sex tapes must be some sort of new parenting technique I missed over the years of being old-fashioned. It seemingly happens all the fucking time. Entertainment careers, once the possession of people with actual talents, are now given to the girl who can swallow the biggest dick on camera. Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are just two examples.
The latest whore to try and reach stardom with her vaginal lips is Montana Fishburne, the 19 year old daughter of actor Laurence “Morpheus” Fishburne. Unlike the other slutty starlets out there, Montana is going the “legit” route and releasing a professional porn video with professional porn actor/director Brian Pumper.
Here is Mr. Pumper and his newest, most famous catch talking about their upcoming video together:
I like how he sweet talks the ladies with compliments like “you sure do know how to suck a dick real good, wit lots of spit and shit.” Oh stop it, Brian! I’m blushing!(more…)
