Who Dat?

Super Bowl XLIV is over and the New Orleans Saints won an outstanding game. The commercials were even better this year than in previous years. The halftime show however, that’s a different story.

A delusional old couple pretending to be Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend took the stage of the half time show. The two men looked more like an old couple who escaped from a nursing home and wondered on stage, than they looked the the legendary rock band The Who.

Daltrey looked like a 65 years old woman and sounded terrible.  He was missing notes and at times seemed to be forgetting the lyrics. It’s a good thing that they performed songs with repeating lyrics. Pete Townsend looked even more ridiculous with his doo-rag underneath his hat and jumping around like around like a retarded monkey.  At least he was able to to the big swinging arm more while playing guitar, he seemed to get that in about every 30 seconds. 

CBS and the The Who should be embarrassed by this.  CBS is so busy trying not to book bands that will offending anyone that they bore the hell out of us instead.

Ice Ice Jedward

Irish twin brothers, John Paul Henry Daniel Richard Grimes and Edward Peter Anthony Kevin Patrick Grimes have released there debut single. The brothers better known as Jedward first appeared as contestants on the 6th season of the British reality show X-Factor.

The 18 year old brothers debut single “Under Pressure” is a dance/pop/rap remake of both the David Bowie/Queen hit and also includes verses of the Vanilla Ice hit “Ice Ice Baby”. The song is actually very catchy, however the brother come across more as old gay lovers than brothers when watching them perform.

Pink Grammy Perfection

I have no idea why so many people (mostly guys) dislike Pink. At first, she came off like just another pop princess with a husky, throaty voice. But in the last few years, Pink has defined herself as one of the premiere singer songwriters of her generation.

But thanks to last night’s perfect and gorgeous performance at the Grammys, I think it’s safe to say that Pink is now one of the most amazing performers ever.

The song she sang, Glitter In The Air, is a beautiful love song all by itself. Pink took to the stage wearing almost nothing, and then left the stage suspended only in a delicate strip of cloth for an amazing display of aerial acrobatics that left me stunned. She has always been very athletic, but I’m shocked that anyone allowed her to even try this on live television. And it worked to perfection, just like everything this remarkable woman attempts. Awesome.

The Grammys Say Goodbye To Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson dominated the Grammy awards so thoroughly over the years that it’s difficult to imagine them without his huge shadow hovering overhead. There have been many tributes to the late singer since his untimely death from a drug overdose last summer, but this year’s Grammy tribute is among the best.

Using the 3D spectacle Jackson was preparing for his aborted tour, the Grammy’s paid tribute to the late singer by having Celine Dion, Usher, Smokey Robinson, Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Hudson sing along with Jackson on the track Earth Song. The song is one of the best recorded by Jackson in the last half of his career, and features some of the most focused and intense vocals he ever performed.

All of the additional singers featured did well, although I’d question the inclusion of some of them. I mean, Jennifer Hudson? Carrie Underwood? In what parallel dimension did these singers have any kind of relationship with Jackson? Dion did have a friendship with Jackson, as did Robinson. Usher was always compared to a young Jackson, so it is somewhat fitting. I just thought the singers chosen felt a bit random. I might have liked to have seen people like Lionel Ritchie in a performance like this, where sentimentality means everything.

Afterwards, Prince and Paris Jackson stepped out onstage to a loud standing ovation. The world loves these kids as their own, and it’s nice to see them accepting this position as de facto royalty. Prince seemed fairly composed under the circumstances, while Paris still seems a little unsure of herself. I can only imagine how difficult it is for both kids in this situation.

Here is the entire video:
Read more

Gaga Does Rocket Man

The Grammys are always a mess, usually getting it wrong and boring the fuck out of viewers everywhere. But the wise inclusion of Lady Gaga – the most important musical artist in several years – helped amp up the excitement just a little.

Not only did Gaga deservedly win a couple of awards, but she also put on a wild stage show with Elton John that stopped the show. Elton hasn’t been relevant in twenty five years, but tonight, he was the king. Check out the amazement:

Anvil Concert Review

This past Friday night, Canadian metal band Anvil made a stop in St. Louis. They played in front of a fairly large crowd at one of St. Louis’s top concert venues, The Pageant. The crowd was full of metal-heads of all ages and while it was obvious that most of the fans there had never heard of Anvil before the documentary “Anvil! The Story of Anvil”, they were loud and into every note the band ripped out.

Read more

Pants On The Ground

The new of American Idol premiered this week. As always, the first few weeks of the show consists of the tryout. That basically means we get the see a couple really good singers thrown into an hour of no talent Jackasses that can’t understand that they can’t sing.

In the second tryout episode we may have already gotten the most memorable moment of the season. Gen. Larry Platt was given a tryout despite the fact that he has no shot at winning based on the shows age requirements. Platt, a former Civil Rights activist, made the best of his oppertunity. Not only may he have created the novelty hit of the year, but he’s sure to become the newest incarnate of William Hung. The only difference is Platt has more talent, creativity and personality in his little toe that Hung ever showed.

You’re A Smart One, Mr. Zonday

Tay Zonday had his 15 minutes of fame a couple years ago with the youtube phenomenon Chocolate Rain.  He then was smart enough to capitalize on that brief success a year later when Dr. Pepper introduced the new flavor Cherry Chocolate Pepper and he became the soda’s spokesperson.  Now another year later, Tay is making his online presence know again.  He has recorded himself singing the Christmas classic “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”

I have to give Tay a lot of credit is keeps finding ways to make himself popular online, without getting attested or being a jackass.  I also think he would be a great voice for Hollywood.  He would be perfect for doing movie trailers and voice overs.

Music MVP 2009: Lady Gaga

For the last several years, the music industry has been on a sharp decline in every aspect. Sales are way down thanks to internet piracy. The music produced by established artists has been rote, by-the-numbers albums (we’re looking at you, Madonna). And new artists haven’t had a chance.

But 2009 seemed to shuffle the deck, indicating that we might be on the cusp of another music revival similar to what happened in 1991 with Nirvana. And while there have been some major players in this music revival – the amazing years enjoyed by Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and Kings of Leon must be mentioned – nobody was bigger or more influential than Lady Gaga.

As the year opened, Lady Gaga was riding the surprise success of “Just Dance” and the rise of “Pokerface,” both from her monstrous album The Fame. “Pokerface” continued to dominate throughout the early part of the year as Gaga fever ignited, propelling her next singles, “Paparazzi” and “Bad Romance”, into the stratosphere. By the year’s end, there was no doubt about who owned this year in music.

What impresses me even more than the songs, which are well written despite their dance-club aspirations, is the fact that Gaga has such a tremendous voice, insists on singing live, and can capably play piano as well. Gaga is not some white, weird Janet Jackson knock-off, nor is she Madonna-Lite. She is a fully-rounded performer who has pure talent and a raging, inquisitive intelligence. She is not to be underestimated.

 

This decade has been absolutely trashed by horrible rock music, gimmicky rap, and fifteen minute stars. It’s been a long time waiting for a performer that can actually demonstrate talent and vision; this year we were blessed with a few that showed promise … but Gaga, in the end, wins the battle for supremacy.

Whitney Houston Destroys Perfection

I don’t think it’s an understatement to say that Whitney Houston’s miraculous voice is one of the greatest human instruments ever captured on record. Sure, Aretha Franklin had one of the most forceful voices ever, Patsy Cline had one of the tenderest, and Janis Joplin one of the most soulful, but Whitney’s soaring voice had all of these qualities and more combined into one incredibly pure sound. Plus, she’s much easier on the eyes than any of those ugly-ass bitches.

And crack has destroyed it all.

Whitney made a guest appearance on Dancing With The Stars a few nights ago, and she rolled I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) out onto the stage and butchered it for a live audience like a sacrificial lamb. Check it out:

Of course, the crack that Bobby Brown fed her for breakfast for ten years has destroyed her lungs to such a horrifying degree that she is no longer capable of even singing an entire line without panting like a thirteen year old boy in the girl’s locker room. Unfortunately, Whitney has nobody to blame but herself. She was given one of life’s supremely beautiful gifts, and she castrated it and made it a sad effigy.

It stands as a lesson to us all: don’t waste what talents you have.

Humor Instead Of Hope

Barack Obama is quickly becoming the black Jimmy Carter, a condescending lecturer with very few actual plans and even smaller balls with which to accomplish them. The American people are beginning to sense this, as Obama’s numbers continue to slide down the slippery slope into irrelevance.

And when that happens, you can count on good ol’ American sarcasm to lead the way. This past weekend on Saturday Night Live, Obama gets a nasty caricature in one of the best opening segments in the show’s recent history. Check it out:

Maybe Obama can plot another 9/11 in order to boost his popularity.

Adam Lambert Sucks It

The music world is buzzing today after last night’s American Music Awards telecast. Of course, they’re not talking about the awards given out, which were ridiculous (Michael Jackson? Please …). Nor were they talking about the great performances, mainly because there weren’t any.

No, they’re all in a tizzy because Adam Lambert, the drag queen runner-up from last year’s American Idol, debuted a horrid new song from his upcoming album. In the process, he simulated getting head from some dude, and then kissing another dude. For artistic shock reasons, no doubt.

Adam’s panties are all bunched up today as he defends his lewd choices in his performance. Frankly, he should be more concerned about the terrible song he was singing, or the fact that he sounded like a heavily-medicated Axl Rose on fire. It was an awful, silly performance of a rancid song, and it should effectively kill his career before it starts.

 

Thank God. Sometimes fate does everyone a solid.

Christopher Walken Shows His Pokerface

Christopher Walken can be a terrifying presence onscreen, but he is also one of the funniest actors on the planet. His deadpan delivery, his halting speech pattern, his glassy, shark-like eyes … they all combine to milk laughs from even the thinnest material.

Here he is on live television doing a reading of Lady Gaga’s smash hit POKERFACE. Brilliant:

Reanimating Michael Jackson

The second wave of vultures have descended on the corpse of Michael Jackson, propping him up for their own personal gain.

Last night’s VMA ceremony opened with a ridiculous performance by Janet Jackson. Promised to make everyone cry, she instead forced everyone to shake their heads at her. Janet, your career is over. Stop milking your dead brother’s memory to boost it.

Read more

Kanye West Is A Dumbass Nigger

There isn’t much commentary to add to Kanye West’s ignorant and undeniably racist action at last night’s MTV Video Music Award ceremony. The video says it all:

Read more

Rod Blagstupidbitch

Last night, Impeached Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich  was on The David Letterman Show.  Some people never learn.  If you are a dumbass, famous for being a dumbass, or both you might want to rethink going on Letterman.  He doesn’t pull any punches and gives them shit the whole interview.  The best thing is that he is so good with his insults that they usually don’t even realize it.  Note to all the famous dumbasses going on Letterman.  He will make you look stupider that you already looked.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3NXq49b2K8[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgig3BBmbXA[/youtube]

Something Evils Lurking On Broadway

We all knew that Hollywood was out of ideas.  It looks like the creative minds on Broadway have been sucked dry too.   It was announced Monday that Micheal Jackson’s music video for Thriller will be the inspiration behind a new Hollywood musical.  The musical will feature music from Jackson’s albums, Off The Wall and Thriller. 

I would much rather see a musical featuring Wacko’s life at that time.  That would be entertainment.   You could have this head catching fire, man on monkey love with Bubbles, and scenes of him sleeping in the a hyperbaric oxygen chamber.

No matter what the theme is, it’s sure to be a sell out every night. If you can’t get tickets, just figure it will look something like this.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvP7dT3Dx0[/youtube]

Salute The Winner

The big highlight of tonight’s Golden Globe ceremony was Mickey Rourke’s rambling, unstoppable acceptance speech after winning Best Actor for The Wrestler. He deserves this moment after spending a career getting his teeth kicked in by life.

Topping this off like a shiny, fresh cherry was director Darren Aronofsky’s one-fingered salute to the actor on live television.

Disco Sucks?

Around 1980, a fierce backlash developed against disco music that has never really completely stopped. For some reason, the haters believe that disco was not really music; they wrongly think it was created by talentless hacks rather than real musicians.

I only wish music today had this much talent … here’s Thelma Houston with a live version of Don’t Leave Me This Way from the much-missed Midnight Special:

Lip Sucking

Britney Spears made yet another appearance in support of her new album CIRCUS. She showed up on GOOD MORNING AMERICA with some elaborate dance number that only vaguely resembled its circus theme. The only thing missing was a monkey or a midget.

Both might have helped.

But here’s what I want to know – who still finds this shit entertaining?

Long ago, people who made money from a musical career had to sing and/or play an instrument. Now, thanks to MTV and people like early Madonna and Janet Jackson, an entire new subgenre of musical performance has emerged. It requires only a fit body and some semblance of rhythm. The shows are elaborate, yet mean nothing. The “singer” wears a little head-mounted microphone, giving the pathetic illusion that they are singing live. But they most certainly are not.

Sometimes a performer chooses this style of performance as a stylistic statement. Notice the brilliant use of lip-synching by Madonna for her MTV Video Music Award performance of VOGUE in 1990:

The song is about artifice anyway, so why sing it live?

However, most performances using this technique turn out awkward and ridiculous. Even worse, there’s no point to a lip-synched performance like this at all. People like Britney Spears – like Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Madonna before her – did not become famous as line dancers or strippers; they’re suppoed to be SINGERS. Yet, for some unknown reason, they keep churning out these appearances during which they robotically dance around in front of a bunch of other dancers. Either sing the fucking song or go work at Hardees.

But the more curious question is this: why is this sort of lip-synching performance still acceptable for audiences today? Are people still that interested in seeing Britney Spears writhe around on stage while pretending to sing?? In the age of free music and the internet, shouldn’t we be expecting more from the so-called artists who receive our money and attention??

We can only hope that the continued piracy of music forces out all of the talentless trollops and wannabees, replacing them with true musicians who can do the damn thing live.

Next Page »