Apparently Iron Maiden did pretty well for themselves way back in time when they were still relevant, which might be 1983. The band went out and spent more money getting drunk than my new car cost even before I used Obamacare’s Cash For Clunkers program.

If I was some ugly, old moron in a shitty band that had produced some of the worst metal music in the history of recorded sound, I’d want to get drunk, too. (more…)

American Idol is in desperation mode. Last season sucked. The contestants were the worst batch the show has ever produced (which is evident in the poor ticket sales for the top ten tour), the rating fell every week and Simon left.

So now they are desperate to save a sinking ship. Fox’s first big move was to bring a former producer of the show, Nigel Lythgoe. Lythgoe’s top priority is to find a replacement for Simon and save the show. Lythgoe however, has decided to completely try to revamp the show. He started by getting rid of Ellen and is rumored to be firing Kara DioGuardi. There is also a possibility of them getting rid of Randy Jackson.

So who will the new judges be? Well according to rumors Jennifer Lopez is close to agreeing on a deal that would put her at the judges table. The other possible choices are Sean “P Diddy,Puff Daddy, Diddy Diddy Do” Combs,  Elton John, Paula Abdul, Courtney Love, Bret Micheals, Jessica Simpson, David Hasselhoff, the volleyball from Cast Away, Beavis and Butthead, and Blanket Jackson.  At this point you could anyone as judge and it won’t mater, the show has reached it’s end.

The real question is why is there no mention of firing Ryan Seacrest?

Have you ever wondered what happens when gay boys go to bed at night? I personally like to imagine them playing Twister with unicorns, then cavorting around the room sprinkling glitter on everything … it’s just my thing.

In reality, gay men stick their wieners into the asses of other men, and occasionally their mouths as well. Of course, the asshole is not the most sanitary area of the human body, but it can be cleaned up enough so that shit doesn’t pour out when the dick goes in. I think most gay men do a certain amount of housekeeping prior to sex in order to prevent this very thing from happening.

Such a thought apparently never crossed the mind of the Ugandan priest/counselor in the video below. In it, he counsels a roomful of Ugandans about the dangers of homosexuality. In this guy’s mind, homos are ravenously eating out dirty assholes and swallowing “poo poo” all night long. Oh, and they seem to love to be fisted as well.

Perhaps Ugandan fags are different … but I’m pretty sure that most homosexuals do not eat excrement.

Check out the vid:

Like any straight man, this guy never seems to mention female homosexuals, otherwise known as “lesbians.” He wants to outlaw gay male sex, but lesbian sex is fiiiiiiiiiiine. I kept waiting for him to say, “Lesbian sex should be outlawed as well … unless I get to watch.” Frankly, gay men are much more pleasant than 98% of the lesbians I’ve ever known, all of whom carry around huge chips on their wide, flabby shoulders.

In the end, this is nothing more than reactionary hate speech by backwards peoples. WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE DO IN THIER PRIVATE LIVES? If you don’t like gays, then DON’T BE GAY. It’s just that simple. Why can’t people just stay the hell out of everyone else’s business?

Corey Haim’s body will be laid to rest in a small ceremony in Toronto, Canada tomorrow, officially ending the drug-addled saga of Hollywood’s latest child actor/victim. But it’s not, however, the end.

When I wrote about Haim’s death a few days ago, I mumbled something at the end of the article that is now proving prophetic. I said, “Hopefully (Feldman) doesn’t use this as a publicity stunt like his Michael Jackson bullshit last summer.” Well, unfortunately, Feldman today announced that he will indeed be making this into a publicity stunt. He is planning a star-studded tribute to the late actor next month in Los Angeles.

I don’t know if Jermaine Jackson will show up to sing again – I certainly hope not – but you can be assured that Feldman will sing a song for his missing friend. And when he does, it will surely be one of the worst moments of the year, a trainwreck of monumental proportions. To give you some idea of what is in store at this memorial, here’s a horrific clip from The Two Coreys in which Feldman sings to his wife on Valentine’s Day. It is beyond awful:

I hope nobody talks Feldman out of singing at this thing. It’ll be hilarious.

I doubt if anyone who saw Corey Haim on the disastrous-but-addictive reality show The Two Coreys is surprised to learn this morning that the former Lucas was found dead of a drug overdose. He spent much of two seasons on the show slurring, throwing tantrums, and crying uncontrollably. The guy was obviously on the edge from something. Now we can confirm it was drugs.

And what a waste. Haim was absolutely adorable in the role of Lucas, a nerd who falls in love with a girl out of his league. Haim had the looks and talent to completely dominate films for years. Unfortunately, Haim found drugs at an early age. Haim was even doing drugs during the shoot for The Lost Boys, his biggest role, and he was what … sixteen years old? Drugs completely evaporated that talent, and left the kid a conceited, hollowed shell that Hollywood quickly discarded. Here he is at this time, denying the drugs that he was obviously on while making this horrible promotional video:

He mostly disappeared for several years before turning up on E! in 2001 completely wasted:

He still had the looks at this point, but his brain was pickled and useless. But as time went on, he physically began to deteriorate. He apparently spent several years slinking around in the underbelly of Hollywood, scoring drugs instead of acting roles.

Then he turned up on that damned Two Coreys show, which was compulsively watchable. Haim’s decline was the primary reason for this, much like craning your neck to see a car wreck. I admired Corey Feldman for standing beside Haim until it was no longer possible; I would’ve told the guy off a long time ago. Ultimately, though, Haim’s drug use and radical mood shifts became too much for the married and stable Feldman, and I don’t blame him one bit for leaving Haim. I can only imagine what Feldman is feeling today. Hopefully he doesn’t use this as a publicity stunt much like his Michael Jackson bullshit from last year.

Anyway, Corey Haim is dead, and nobody’s surprised. But for the generation that saw this cute little kid with the big eyes and bright smile, there is a twinge of sadness that Hollywood killed another child actor. Taylor Lautner, you’re next!!