Axl Rose has been an ignorant prick ever since Guns And Roses made their first ten dollars way back in the late eighties. His bizarre, primadonna behavior has caused riots in my hometown of St. Louis, as well as caused many other problems all around the world. It’s little wonder why the other original members of the band want nothing to do with the guy.
Axl and his retooled GNR lineup brought their show to Ireland over the weekend. Anyone who knows anything about GNR knows that Axl shows up whenever the fuck he wants, so it shouldn’t have surprised the concertgoers when the show was delayed 90 minutes. By the time Axl and company lumbered onstage to actually play music, the fans were drunk and quite upset.
So they threw bottles at his fucking head. Axl, you should never piss of the Irish.
In keeping with Axl’s overwhelming legacy, the band quit and left for the night, leaving tens of thousands of fans screaming for blood. And I hope they get some. I just can’t stand Axl’s bullshit anymore. I cannot listen to GNR anymore without thinking about how much Axl destroyed something so special, and how he continues to destroy it.
This latest installment of Between Two Ferns satisfies two curiosities: (1) Can Sean Penn be self-depricating and funny? (2) Can Zach Galifianakis play another type of character besides the awkward, stumbling doofus?
In this episode, Galifianakis plays his gay Southern twin brother Seth as he interviews a grumpy Penn, who plays off of Galifianakis’ routine with ease. It’s deadpan and pretty funny:
How many times do you think I could get caught with illegal drugs before my broke ass would end up in jail? Answer: ONCE. How many times can that same scenario happen to Paris Hilton? Answer: As many times as she fucking wants.
How many more times must the poor 99% of the American population see the rich 1% get away with whatever they want before finally ending it? I mean, O.J. virtually cut the heads off of two people and dripped the blood all the way into his own bedroom and got away with it! He was found innocent, and all we were missing as far as evidence was a videotape of O.J. singing “I Got You Babe” using Nicole’s head as a puppet! Because O.J. was rich and famous, he could basically do just about whatever he wanted … well, until he got really dumb about it, of course. Paris is essentially the same.
Paris has been busted three fucking timesfor drugs. She’s a spoiled, doped-up brat who has skirted the law repeatedly because she’s supposedly cute (barf) and she lives a lavish lifestyle that many people crave. She could be sucking five pounds of cocaine off of nude male models in the middle of Wilshire Boulevard and she’d prance out of jail with the same stupid smirk that she shows in her latest mugshot:
Hey Paris, this isn’t a photo shoot! It means you’re a criminal!
How would you like to be her parents? They built their name on the Hilton hotel franchise, made untold millions of dollars, and then their daughter shits all over it with her selfish, unlawful, and pathetic lifestyle. It’s unfortunate that Paris has wormed her way into a self-sustaining ”career” of her own, because I would have cut her off from my fortune had I been her father. I probably would’ve been done with her after watching her swallow a nine inch cock on camera for the whole wide world to see; I certainly wouldn’t put up with this bullshit.
I just cannot wrap my mind around the idea that Paris Hilton probably went clubbing right after getting caught with COCAINE while DRIVING. She doesn’t understand consequences, nor does she understand that consequences apply to all people, regardless of their social and economic status.
Guess what? It’s time the bitch learned some consequences. Throw her ass in jail and keep her there.
I’ve never watched Real Housewives Of New Jersey because, well, I have a life. It apparently follows a group of women who are all somehow interrelated by blood or marriage, with the exception of show “villain” Danielle Staub, who seems to like causing trouble among the other housewives. I guess she doesn’t return the borrowed sugar … I don’t know.
The show has only been on television for one season, and they’re already having a reunion show – huh? Apparently the bitches got too bitchy, and some of the women left, including Ms. Staub. So now they need to be brought together again for the sake of the fans … um, what?
Meanwhile, Ms. Staub is showing us that she doesn’t need a television show to launch her talents into the stratosphere. (more…)
I remember the good ol’ days of celebrity sex tapes, when genuinely famous people made real and raunchy videos of their intimate sexual exploits for their own pleasure … which were then accidently leaked. Now, celebrity sex tapes feature professional lighting, scene fades, soft-focus, makeup, and carefully-placed endorsements. Who wants a celebrity sex tape that has body doubles, for cryin’ out loud?
I want my celebrity sex tape to be Danny DeVito fucking Chelsea Handler in the ass while she sucks a goat and juggles Red Skelton’s petrified balls with her two free hands, all captured on grainy IPhone footage (is there any other kind?) behind a dumpster at Applebee’s. If I need to get off to celebrities, dammit, I want it to be the most vile thing ever.
Ordinarily I would say that a sex tape featuring Z-list celebrities Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag is possibly the most unnecessary celebrity sex tape this side of a Rosie O’Donnell dyke-a-thon, but then I remember who they are. (more…)
