Child Stars On The Rampage!

What happens to child stars on set that causes them to turn into raving, psychopathic adults? The list of child star fuck-ups is long and varied, so there must be something going on. Any business that can corrupt Dana Plato must not have a soul.

We have had two more incidents this weekend to add to the sad child star resume: Brian Bonsall, the adorable moppet from Family Ties, was arrested over the weekend for marijuana, thereby violating his probabtion from earlier drug and violence charges.

Just for comparison, let’s remember Brian the way he once was:

Look at that cherubic little face. He almost seems to be saying: “Now, you be good and don’t do bad stuff, okay?” If only he would listen to his inner child for one.

Did Bonsall really have that much difficulty finding roles as he aged? I mean, if you take away the tattoos and lip piercings (ewwww), the guy is pretty damned good looking. I find it hard to believe that he couldn’t find roles in something, even if it was MILF: It Does A Body Good 3. I mean, it’s work … surely he could have done something.

I guess the moral of the story is STAY OFF DRUGS!

Meanwhile, Andrew Koenig, who played Boner on Growing Pains, has turned up missing. He’s been missing for a week, and the Vancouver police have started a manhunt to discover his whereabouts. Not to sound ignorant, but the guy is probably dead if he’s been missing for a week. When was the last time you heard of someone missing for a week turn up alive??

The next time you want to take your children to see Justin Bieber in concert, just remember that he will be strung out on crack in five years, and arrested for knocking over a convenience store in ten. Then he will look something like this:

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Ice Ice Jedward


Irish twin brothers, John Paul Henry Daniel Richard Grimes and Edward Peter Anthony Kevin Patrick Grimes have released there debut single. The brothers better known as Jedward first appeared as contestants on the 6th season of the British reality show X-Factor.

The 18 year old brothers debut single “Under Pressure” is a dance/pop/rap remake of both the David Bowie/Queen hit and also includes verses of the Vanilla Ice hit “Ice Ice Baby”. The song is actually very catchy, however the brother come across more as old gay lovers than brothers when watching them perform.

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A Rapping Twit

Everything Miley Cyrus does annoys the hell out of me and this is no different. I know all the 40 year old men will be heart broken not knowing when little Miley is shitting or putting on a Hannah Montana wig, but Miley has decided to close her Twitter account. That shouldn’t be annoying, right? Well in order to explain herself to all of her adoring pre-teen and pedophile fans she decided to rap about it and put it on YouTube.

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Serena’s Roid Rage

2006_04_19_serena_williamsTennis star Serena Williams should shay of the steroids for a while. Serena was getting her ass kicked in the semi-final match of the US Open and didn’t handle it very well.  After the first set she received a violation warning for breaking her racket.  As the match progressed and as a defeat seemed more evident, the roid rage set in. 

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The Westies

kanye_west_reaper_bSince racist white America has robbed Kanye West at every single music award show for the past five years. Kanye has decided to start his own award show, the Westies. West will nominate and vote for the winner of each category himself to make sure the show is fair. He has already begun announcing the categories and nominees.  Here they are.

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Rod Blagstupidbitch

Last night, Impeached Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich  was on The David Letterman Show.  Some people never learn.  If you are a dumbass, famous for being a dumbass, or both you might want to rethink going on Letterman.  He doesn’t pull any punches and gives them shit the whole interview.  The best thing is that he is so good with his insults that they usually don’t even realize it.  Note to all the famous dumbasses going on Letterman.  He will make you look stupider that you already looked.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3NXq49b2K8[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgig3BBmbXA[/youtube]

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Yesterday Once More

I though we were done with the big music comebacks.  I didn’t think there was anybody left to make a big return.  That was, until I heard this news. Yet another washed up has been is going to try to live one more day in the past. Wanting 15 more minutes of fame and trying to live off of his sister’s dead legacy, Richard Carpenter is set to make a comeback. That’s right, the untalented half of the brother/sister group The Carpenters is planning to bring his amazing charisma and smooth voice to a casino stage near you.

Twenty-five years after his sister Karen’s body turned to ash and blew away from lack of nutrients, Richard Carpenter has announced his comeback. Next year he is planning on releasing a new album followed by a tour in 2010. The tour will star at the Shanghai World Expo, to mark the Carpenters’ 40th anniversary.

Richard will also be whoring out his 16 year old daughter Mindy by having him onstage to sing with him. He recently noticed that Mindy’s voice was a lot like Karen and dollar signs immediately popped into his head. To give the fans an even bigger treat he is going to wheel a skeleton on stage every night to sing the big encore “We’ve Only Just Begun” and “Sing”. It will look something like this.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAg1rglAovs[/youtube]

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The Ultimate Idiot

warrior1.jpgI love it when people who were never really very famous in the past, try as hard as they can to get people to notice them one last time.  Former wrestle Ultimate Warrior is the lastest never-was trying to get just 15 more minutes.

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Idols And Freaks

american-idol-its-time-for-vietnam-idol_14.jpgAmerican Idol is back and so are the freaks.  It’s only been two episodes and we have already gotten a birdman and stalker to go along with the usual freaks.

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Enough Is Enough

britney_spears_see_thru_2.jpgI have fucking had it with the Britney Spears shit.  I can’t understand why her fucked up life is a news story and I really can’t understand how people can still be defending her.

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60 Minutes To Long

andy-rooney.pngWhy is Andy Rooney still alive?  He’s like a cockroach, he’ll never go away. Read more

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Celine Dion Is Fucking Crazy

celine.jpgI fucking hate Celine Dion.  I think it’s safe to say that I’m not the only one that feels this way.  Everything she does pisses me off, and for the life of me I can’t understand why people like her.  Can somebody please tell me why she’s so popular?

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The Greatest Moments Of 2007 – Eric’s Picks

With the new year coming to an end, I think now is a good time to look back at the 5 greatest celebrity moments of 2007.  This year was no different than those of the past.  You can always count on Hollywood to give us the most entertaining, bizarre, what the fuck moments that make us scratch are head after we laugh at them uncontrollably.

 There were plenty of great things that happened throughout the year.  We saw Screech almost get his ass kicked on VH1.  Britney Spears provided us with stupid moment after stupid moment.  Plus, Marie Osmond took a nose dive on live TV, Paula Abdul tried to show us that she’s almost as stupid as Anna Nichole Smith with her new reality show and who could forget Sanjaya.  These stories were great but, not good enough for the top five.  What could be better?

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The Origins Of Spock

leonard_nimoy.jpgHave you ever wondered where the idea for the Mr. Spock character came from?  Was he a freak, or maybe an outcast, or maybe a half-breed, or maybe he was just a brilliant Jew?  It turns out that he may have been all of the above, but most importantly an alien Jew. 

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Peter Brady Thinks Lesbians Are Gross

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What is wrong with Peter Brady?  Peter, whose real name is Christoper Knight, seems to be a little confused.  First, until a few years ago, he couldn’t get a job.  Well, he did get to do the occasional Very Brady Christmas Special.  That was it, though.  Then in 2005, VH1 came calling.  They wanted him to be on the Surreal Life and he didn’t have anything else to do, so he accepted.

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Where The Hell Is Maury?

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What the hell is happening is going on?   Daytime T.V. was the perfect time to sit back and laugh at all the white trash rednecks and ghetto trash of the world.  There are approximately 85 different judge shows on every day.  You have a judge for everything you can think of.  There are judges shows for divorces, problem children, small claims, fighting rednecks,  wigger whores, and scamming old guys. 

These shows can be entertaining and at times very funny, but what the hell happened to The Maury Povich Show?  Here in St. Louis, it’s not on anymore.  During those boring weekdays of skipping work or shcool, where was no better show to watch.  It was much more sincere than the judge shows, more insightful than the news and certainly more believable than Jerry Springer

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Why The Fuck Am I Poor And He’s Not?

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I am really getting fucking tired of being poor, with people like Tay Zonday making money.  I admit, I thought Chocolate Rain was silly and funny.  Hell, I walked around singing it all the time.  It was a joke though.  Nobody, NOBODY actually thought it was good. 

The kid is a cute, lovable virgin with a deep voice.  We all thought it was great that he was getting a little attention for the first time on his life and now he might even get laid.  Now though, somehow he is a celebrity.  He is actually making money and lots of it, just from singing that stupid fucking song.  He sings it in many different ways, changes the lyrics, makes new videos and now this.

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What Ever Happened To Bailey Quarters?

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Anybody who was ever a fan of WKRP In Cincinnati, remembers Bailey Quarters.  She was the smart and shy billing manager that soon gained confidence and became, a disc jockey.  As the show went on she became sexier, but could never quite compete with Jennifer (Loni Anderson).  Bailey was played by Jan Smithers.  Smithers didn’t act much after WKRP, except for some small roles on T.V.  So, after all these years where has she been?

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How Does This Shit Keep Happening

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What the hell is wrong with people.  The world must be coming to an end soon.   Can somebody please explain this to me.

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Lo-Life

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Michael Lohan, the estranged father of one-time actress/drug addict Lindsay Lohan, doesn’t resemble a human being as much as he does a parasitic fungal infection.

His slobbering, narcissistic desire for attention has cost him  his family, his freedom, and now his self-respect. That’s right … add one more reality television hopeful to the parade of scummy, Z-grade losers who want to cash in 13 minute’s worth of their Warholian “fame.”

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