Taylor Lautner may be cute, and he has a good body (for now), but his tweenie-bopper Twilight fans need to face this tragic fact – the kid’s a fucking fag of the faggiest kind. He makes me look like a regular He-Man by comparison.
In a hissy fit that would embarrass Elton John, Lautner is suing a company called McMahon’s RV because they didn’t deliver his $300,000 trailer to the set of his new movie Abduction on time. Apparently the company was supposed to have the trailer there by June 21, but they didn’t get it there on time. This, of course, forced Lautner to – GASP! – use a regular trailer like the other little people on set.
And this is the best part: he’s suing them for EMOTIONAL DISTRESS! Can you say FAAAAAAAAGGGG?
I’m sure it must’ve been difficult for poor young Taylor to be without his custom-made trailer, complete with dildos mounted on the walls, a lube station, and a special secret entrance for the boys to enter while escaping detection from the paparazzi. However, despite Taylor’s insatiable craving of the cock, I cannot imagine any MAN claiming emotional distress over a trailer arriving late. Seriously. If the company didn’t hold up their end of the deal, then sue them for breach of contract, dude. But not emotional distress.
Hey Taylor, look down between your legs. Do you see that flap of skin that vaguely resembles the male genitalia you hunger for every night and day? That indicates that you’re a MALE – start acting like one. Grow the fuck up, get over yourself, and stop being a whiny fag bitch. Instead of spending $300,000 on a trailer, go spend $10,000 on a nose job.
Oh, and for all of you crybabies who think Taylor isn’t gay – yeah riiiight – watch this video AGAIN:
Who are the people who watch shit like Date Movie? I mean besides black people.
Coming soon to a bullet-riddled one screen theater in the projects is Underground Comedy 2010. It features nobodies, rubber puppet heads, and approximately 45 minutes of fart jokes. I can’t even imagine fans of DANE COOK liking this atrocity, and that idiot would have trouble outperforming stomach cancer at an open-mic night. No, he’s not funny at all. Just like this movie.
This trailer for the film is so awful that, in some weird way, it becomes mesmerizing. Watch this so you’ll know what to avoid this fall.
I’m not even a fan of the Harry Potter series of films, but I must admit that this brand new trailer for the final film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, is one of the best trailers ever cut. Astonishingly epic, brooding, and electrifying, this new trailer contains all of the power and scope that I had hoped to see in all of the previous films (and never got).
Watch this thing now. Just have some Pampers handy.
I must say that, for the most part, I’ve been disappointed by the Harry Potter films. I say this as someone who has not read one word of author J.K. Rowling’s sacred text. From my vantage point, the films feel emotionally childish in a way that I don’t think the books ever have been.
For obvious reasons, the first two films were very childish and lightweight; the characters were all eleven or twelve years old, so their adventures were correspondingly lighter in tone. As the series went on, some of the films demonstrated a darkness and adult gravitas that I found important. Prisoner Of Azkaban was a complex and malicious film, and both Order Of The Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince had their moments as well.
Still, I was left with a feeling that the films were half-hearting certain emotional scenes in these films in order to prevent them from becoming too dark. For instance, the death of Harry’s godfather Sirius Black is handled so abruptly and haphazardly in Order Of The Phoenixthat it barely registers. Even Dumbledore’s death in Half-Blood Prince just sort of happens without much emotional building. It’s odd that these scenes don’t play powerfully considering how much time audiences have invested in these characters.
Fortunately there is still one more film left to provide that emotional catharsis that this series deperately needs. Director David Yates has stated that he wants to give this final film (split into two parts, of course) a tone that feels “epic and operatic.” If this new teaser is to be believed (and they rarely are), then it looks like he’s achieving his goal. It looks dark and life-threatening, with muted colors and tense emotions. The teaser gives us a taste of some beefed-up dialogue as well, something the films have largely failed to provide. I love that fight between Rupert Grint’s Ron and Daniel Radcliffe’s Haryy! Hopefully there will be much more of that type of emotional investment throughout.
It seems like an obvious idea, but it’s never been done before: a horror film made in one continuous take. The horror genre would be an excellent fit for this type of filmmaking technique, given the fact that it would never give you a chance to reset from being immersed in the events onscreen.
Now a new horror film called The Silent House has premiered at Cannes. The 80 minute film was shot in one continuous take, and it must’ve been a bitch to make. Not only is it the first horror film done this way, but it might also be the first film ever made in Uruguay. Who knew they even had movie theaters there? It should be interesting to see if the language barrier and subtitles destroy the submersiveness of the continuous shot gimmick.
Here is the very effective trailer for the film. It’s reminiscient of films like Saw or Seven in the imagery and composition.
