For me, ten spots isn’t enough, though. So I wanted to write about ten more people that are just too damned good looking for words. So here are their pictures, in no particular order:

Angelina Jolie

Denzel Washington

Zhang Ziyi

Ryan Phillippe

Andie MacDowell

Tom Cruise

Anne Archer

Robert Redford

Michelle Yeoh

Heath Ledger

If the name doesn’t ring a bell, you must be over fifty or under twenty years old. From 1987-1992 Ober hosted the MTV game show Remote Control. It was one of the first serious changes in MTV’s business strategy, as they began to move away from strictly showing music videos (dumb). The show was goofy fun, built on the premise that Ober lived in his mother’s basement and secretly held a game show down there. The contestants were buckled into lounge chairs and asked a series of pop culture questions. Losing contestants were removed out of the basement still strapped to their chairs.

The show made Ober something of a celebrity, although he never became super-famous. Probably part of that was due to his laid-back, nonchalant attitude. Ober was very intelligent and quite funny, but he never seemed pompous or arrogant; he seemed like a guy who might make a pretty good friend.

The show launched the career of Adam Sandler – thanks a lot for THAT one, MTV! – and also helped make Colin Quinn temporarily famous. But it was Ober in the center of the fray that grounded the show and made it fun to watch.

Someone apparently thought to videotape an early episode in 1987, which you can now see via the glories of YouTube:

Now get ready for Jackson’s next career move: box office giant.

The slimy owners of AEG, who sponsored Jackson’s aborted comeback tour, have been frantically editing Jackson’s rehearsal footage into a feature film/tribute/money grab called THIS IS IT. The stockholders of AEG claim this is an opportunity for Jackson fans to salute the fallen star; I suspect their motives are a little bit more selfish.

I must admit that this new trailer for the upcoming documentary makes me curious to see the film. Jackson looks much more aware than I previously thought, and the concert itself looks staggeringly epic and complex.  Thoughts of “what might have been” hang over this movie like a dead man’s fart. There is no doubt that this will be a huge financial bonanza for everyone involved. Jackson fans will doubtlessly be pleased with it, and it will probably also satisfy the morbidly curious.

But he should be admired, not for his body of work, but for the way he generally carried himself in his life. He was not generally tabloid fodder, having had a long and happy marriage. He made mistakes, and he often humbly admitted them. He was hard working, even in the face of terrible odds.

When he announced his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, he was forthright and honest about how his smoking probably played a role in his fate. He showed a lot of character in moments like that, far more so than any of his roles ever could. He seemed like a decent person with a positive outlook who was cut down far too early.

Sad. 

Even sadder than Swayze’s passing was the disrespectful way he was treated by the paparazzi and the tabloids. They did everything except barge in on him while he suffered through chemo. Did we really need to see weekly and daily glances at his withered, skeletal frame?

Imagine how awful it would be to deal with such a traumatic illness under the ever flashing gaze of photographers. I can barely stand going to the grocery store when I have a zit on my nose … what Swayze endured was beyond reason.

Last night’s VMA ceremony opened with a ridiculous performance by Janet Jackson. Promised to make everyone cry, she instead forced everyone to shake their heads at her. Janet, your career is over. Stop milking your dead brother’s memory to boost it.

But even worse than Janet’s necrophilia is the release of the trailer for the upcoming THIS IS IT, a “film” culled from the last rehearsal footage of the late singer. With a series of quick edits, the producers hope to disguise how slow ands sloppy Michael really was during these rehearsals. In the few moments when we hear Michael’s voice, he sounds drugged and out of it.

You can almost hear the producers salivating in the background as this trailer plays:

John Hughes, the writer/director of some of the seminal teenage-oriented films of the eighties, died today on the streets of New York of an apparent heart attack. He was 59.

Hughes never directed a film of any substantial Academy award merit, his eighties films touched a nerve with a generation of teenagers. He had a canny knack of carefully crafting memorable dialogue, and welding it to instantly iconic characters. Hughes also made use of the blossoming language of music videos in the framing, style, and editing of his films.

Although the best film ver touched by Hughes was probably MR. MOM (Hughes wrote the film), the best Hughes film is, in my opinion, SIXTEEN CANDLES. Unlike some of his later teen films, CANDLES is blissfully free of artifice. It helps that Hughes’ airtight screenplay was fleshed out by one of the best casts ever assembled. It is the one movie I can watch endlessly and marvel at the technical perfection while still enjoying the movie itself.

What a shame it was that Hughes left the industry behind mysteriously in 1991. All accounts painted Hughes as an insufferable prick, and it seems that Hollywood did not mourn his departure. But, despite his personal failings, Hughes had a gift that was somehow squandered after that. Like Jackson, we are left with a mixture of sadness and confusion at his passing.

Thankfully Hughes managed to live out the remaining years of his life in relative normalcy, somehow managing to avoid radical nosejobs, pedophilia, and Diprivan. Hughes simply shut up, packed his bags, and went home. He left a body of work that still captivates and entertains, and left us wanting more. And that, in the end, is the mark of a true entertainer.

R.I.P John Hughes.

From the beginning, Michael Jackson was a star. As a six year old, he fronted a band with the raw sexuality and charisma of a person many decades older. As he grew into adulthood, his fame grew to astronomical proportions while his self-esteem shrunk inversely. Despite the bewildering successes he achieved in his life – massive albums like THRILLER and BAD, generous charitable organizations, and culturally-defining moments of pure performance – Jackson’s promise remained strangely unfulfilled.

It is a lesson to those generations most affected by Jackson’s enormous influence : Never wait on what you could do today. While most of us do not have the opportunity to have the kind of stunning and unique talents that Jackson once possessed, each one of us has gifts to contribute to the world, or at least our smaller version of it. It’s easy to become distracted by the everyday cares of life. But sadder than the loss of life itself is the loss of what might have been.

In Jackson’s case, the brilliance of his ten year contribution to music and film is completely overshadowed by the following fifteen years of controversy and non-musical pursuits. It’s confounding to imagine that a man of Jackson’s talents could be better remembered by history as a child molester and urn collector. It is not wrong to consider this. While we might desire to think of the positives at the end of someone’s life, so many high-profile negatives come to mind too easily in the case of Jackson.

If we want to assign blame, we can quickly point to father Joe Jackson for much of it. The elder Jackson mercilessly abused and exploited his gifted son, rendering him incapable of dealing with reality for much of his adult life. No doubt we will be subjected to many exclusive interviews, books, and television specials featuring a “grieving” Joe Jackson over the loss of his son, but, like most things Jackson, that will be a publicity grab more than a display of actual emotion.

But ultimately the blame lies with Michael himself. Rather than focus on his music, Michael allowed himself to spiral into a vortex of amusement park rides, unhealthy child relationships, and drugs. Think about the vast fortune wasted by Jackson during the last fifteen years of his life. Not just THRILLER money, but also the Beatles money and all of the endorsements. Michael probably wasted well over a billion dollars in the last decade of his life on legal fees and extravagances. While sad, it is also hard to forgive or cast aside.

Even worse, Jackson wasted what many tonight are calling a seminal and special talent. Most of us will never be able to sing, dance, or write music like Michael Jackson. We will never know the thrill of entertaining hundreds of thousands of fans all at once. We will never have a world eager to touch us, see us, or own our face on a lunchbox. Yet, Michael Jackson’s talents earned him that opportunity … for a while.

But his death leaves us wondering … what happened? What could have happened? Someone with his talents, abilities, and financial status could have done anything in his life, but he decided to live in hotel rooms, collect statues, and carouse with young boys. In some way it is reflective of the message in CITIZEN KANE – a young man leaves behind his most valued possession in order to compile a great legacy, only to end up alone in a pile of junk. Michael was all alone at the end of his life, surrounded with the meaningless pursuits that had crowded out his truly magical gifts.

It is so easy to get carried away with the everyday that we lose sight of what we could be or what we could accomplish. Michael Jackson certainly lost sight of that, tarnishing his early brilliance with many years of foolishness that left his potential unfulfilled. It is a sobering thought for those of us left behind, those of us who might be squandering our own goals in life for the temporary … the transitory … the momentary. We only have one shot at this silly little exercise called life. Do the right thing, do it as well as you can, and do it right now.

Or, as Michael once sang, don’t stop ’til you get enough. The time might come sooner than you think when enough simply isn’t.

Their choice for worst President of all time? James Buchanan (1857-1861), who presided over the build-up to the Civil War by unwisely shoving a thumb up his ass.  Other notable fuckheads include the infamous Richard Nixon (of course) and, at only number 33 of 42, the incomparably bad George W. Bush.

For my money, the worst President in American history is George W. Bush by a landslide. While Buchanan may have failed to act in the face of southern secession, Bush has actively done more to harm not only the world, but also the average Americans he swore to protect and serve.

What can be said to defend a man who said, on repeated occasions, that he would prefer to be dictator rather than a Constitutionally-empowered President because it “would be a lot easier”?

What reasoning can explain the policy of pre-emptive warfare? Or abolition of free speech? Or the assault on individual privacy? Or the destruction of the economy?

What excuses will we give our children and grandchildren when we describe why we allowed this moronic, bumbling idiot to desecrate democratic values and destroy the financial fabric of the nation? What will we tell them to help them understand why their country is a bankrupt third-world nation owned by China?

If George W. Bush is a dumbass, then what does it say about the people who allowed him to stay there?

I have often asked rhetorically, “Where are the Abraham Lincolns of the world?” I ask that because, to me, Lincoln defines the exact ideals you would want in a President. He was intelligent, humble, thoughtful, yet stern and courageous.  

I remember studying about the Civil War when I was younger, and being shocked to see the changes in Lincoln’s face over the four year course of the War. Like someone dying of cancer, Lincoln looked drained, his noble face deeply-lined and his eyes sunken and hollow. This was a man who took the burden of the War deeply into himself, and his concern was visible in every picture and in every written word.

Now contrast that type of leadership under trial with the way Bush has acted during his War On Terrorinvasion of Iraq. He cavorts around on his farm most of the year, yee-hawing and flipping people off while snickering stupidly. His dried fig husk of a brain has not even the slightest comprehension of the loss felt by American military families, or the anguish of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, or the turmoil he has caused to the entire world and America’s stand in it. He doesn’t care at all. Yee-Haw.

The economic turmoil currently gutting America’s future has brought new light on the Presidency of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who sat for almost three full terms during the worst financial period in America (at that point), The Great Depression. His guidance through that time, on through the eruption of World War II, gained him the respect and love of his countryman and most of the world.

Not only did FDR oversee large infusions of cash into the financial system to jump-start it – much like Bush is clumsily trying to do now – but he also attempted to create millions of new jobs as part of his overarching New Deal policy. Roosevelt wasn’t merely looking to give handouts; he rightly surmised that people, given the opportunity to work and make their own way, would do so. He correctly postulated that the economy is driven by the average American, and only by bolstering that workforce could the country ever hope to regain its footing.

Contrast that with Bush, who managed to bully and terrify Congress into approving a $700 billion dollar buyout in order to appease and protect his wealthy business interests, while simultaneously plunging the economic future of the United States into near-collapse. Given a budget surplus in 2000 from former President Bill Clinton, Bush has embarked on an unprecedented spending spree that has doubled the national debt in eight years (I thought the Democrats were supposed to be the big spenders …), part of which is the massive debt now owed to China. Yes, China … a country whose sole export twenty years ago was the rice they picked out of the fucking swamps. They now own America more than Americans do. Brilliant.

When FDR died, people felt like they had lost a father and a mentor and a friend. When Bush dies, it will be like shitting out a malignant tumor.

Even the young and exciting John F. Kennedy, who by most standards had his share of problems as President, infused the country with optimism and a sense of hope. He had bold ideas about equality and fairness among all men. He showed a steely resolve in the Cuban Missile Crisis as well, demonstrating that he could draw a line in the sand and stand up to it.

Contrast that with Bush, who has repeatedly demonstrated disdain for the rights of others who do not share his ideological philosophy. Thanks to the blank check of 9/11, Bush has forced his Orwellian and religious beliefs on American policy and the world in general. Although a  younger man like Kennedy, Bush has instead embraced the old cronyism of Washington. His administration runs like a frathouse, full of secrets and “boy’s club” ethics that have made them rich while the average American grows poorer.

For his idealism, Kennedy received a bullet in his head. What a shame someone didn’t think of trying that with Bush.

While there have been some awful Presidents in the history of the United States – Buchanan, Nixon, Carter, among others – George W. Bush prepares to leave office as my candidate for worst President of all time. Most of the country apparently agrees, giving him a disastrous approval rating lower than Dick Cheney’s ballsack.

Buchanan once said tht he felt like history would vindicate his Presidency in the long run. That never happened.

And no, George … nor will history be kind to you.

Bill Murray was already a comedic legend by the time the infamous Farrelly Brothers tapped him to play the slimy, self-centered bowling champion Ernie McCracken in the 1996 comedy KINGPIN. He had established himself as the king of sarcasm in the late seventies on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, and then cemented his fame with scene-stealing turns in CADDYSHACK, MEATBALLS, and GHOSTBUSTERS. However, his true comedic masterpiece came midway through his career as “Big Ern” in KINGPIN.

Look at this subtle scene early in the film. Murray manages to make McCracken smarmy and sleazy, yet strangely likeable:

By the end, Murray’s McCracken has degenerated into a combover monstrosity of the highest comedic order. Look at how far Murray is willing to take the character into the depths of depravity and self-absorption:

According to Wikipedia, Murray ad-libbed every single line of dialogue in this film, which is remarkable considering the consistency on display. While KINGPIN boasts some terrific performances and memorable characters, Murray leads the way with his inspired, ego-free portrayal of one of cinema’s greatest villains. GENIUS!!

Here are Siskel and Ebert raving about the film, and singling out Murray’s perfect performance in particular:

The music world has once again lost a legend. Rock n Roll pioneer Bo Diddley has died, after months of bad health. Last August, Diddley health problems began after suffering a heart attack. Three months later, he had a bad stoke that affected his ability to speak. After returning to his home in Florida Diddley health problems continued has he tried to rehabilitate from the stroke and heart attack. Diddley died in his home today at the age of 79.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASOwLFn9Mdg[/youtube]

Diddley was known the world over for his homemade square guitar, dark glasses and black hat, as he was his music. His trademark sound has influence many. You don’t have to look far to hear his signature rhythm of, bomp ba-bomp bomp, bomp bomp, in many of rocks great guitarists. The Who, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello and Buddy Holly are just a few who were influence by Diddley.

Bo Diddley was an American original, but luckily his music will live on in every rock and blues guitarist that has followed. This impact on music began with a simple beat and continued through a passion and integrity that many of today’s artist couldn’t touch. Do Diddley’s originality and love for music will be missed, but fortunately he inspired generations and left us will hours and hours of great music and memories. Rest In Peace Mr. Diddley.

Here is a look at some of Bo Diddley’s best work.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgzn7VyoqEw[/youtube]

Here’s a medley of his hits, Road Runner/Bring It To Jerome/Mona

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=bMzCtNCJgyY[/youtube]