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« Previous EntriesThe Red Banded Happening
Friday, May 16th, 2008The titanic ego of M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN has cursed his every move in recent years. The blossoming promise shown in his earliest films has disintegrated before the bewildered eyes of moviegoers everywhere. The trust is broken, replaced by a palpable resentment. It’s like admiring a charismatic uncle as a young person, only to go behind [...]
Wacko + His Kids = Distraction
Monday, April 28th, 2008
Michael Jackson has banned his adopted white kids children from the recording studio while he works on his comeback album. Interestingly enough, the ban is for his kids and never mentions anybody else’s kids. After all, he has to get inspiration somewhere.
V For Vacuous
Sunday, April 13th, 2008I understand the desire … I really do. I often look back at those breezy spring evenings in the early eighties, and fondly remember everyone curling up around the television to watch the newest “event” show. I remember talking to my friends about Roots the next day on the playground, or huddling with my family [...]
Let’s Remake Everything!!!
Friday, March 28th, 2008Hey Hollywood! Here’s a great idea: LET’S REMAKE EVERYTHING! Every single piece of material ever produced on film or on television needs to be remade.
What about classics, you ask? FUCK IT!! We’ll remake CITIZEN KANE with Jonah Hill as Charles Foster Kane and Michael Cera as his “wacky” sidekick Jedediah Leland! We’ll not only improve [...]
Don’t Wanna MEET DAVE!
Tuesday, March 25th, 2008I am speechless.
I remember Eddie Murphy from the very beginning of his career. He erupted from one of the worst casts to ever assemble on the Saturday Night Live stage with a magnetic blend of charisma, wit, and nasty charm. He created indelible characters and skits during his brief run, including Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood, Gumby, [...]
Get LOST, BOYS!!
Thursday, March 13th, 2008Most creatures in this world serve some sort of purpose. Some are truly inspirational (like dolphins, or Ghandi), some are ingenious (like spiders, or Madonna), and some even unite others due to their own pure wickedness (like Hitler, or Rosie O’Donnell). Hell, even the lowly maggot serves a noble purpose in the glorious chain of [...]
It Ain’t Cool
Sunday, February 17th, 2008Everyone knows that Harry Knowles, the so-called “head geek” over at Ain’t It Cool News, is a media conglomerate-sucking whore of epic proportions. Harry would eat out his dead grandmother’s cold, gray asshole if he thought there was a dime just inside her rectum.
But this article decrying the death of HD-DVD is just too much [...]
The Ultimate Idiot
Monday, February 11th, 2008I love it when people who were never really very famous in the past, try as hard as they can to get people to notice them one last time. Former wrestle Ultimate Warrior is the lastest never-was trying to get just 15 more minutes.
Worst Half Time Performance Ever?
Monday, February 4th, 2008It’s strange. The Super Bowl has an audience of 95 million (mostly) males of various ages, and yet the organizers behind the yearly most-watched television event cannot understand what type of musical performance best fits the venue.
Case in point: yesterday’s laughable Paula Abdul “performance.”
Idols And Freaks
Thursday, January 17th, 2008American Idol is back and so are the freaks. It’s only been two episodes and we have already gotten a birdman and stalker to go along with the usual freaks.
All Scared Out
Wednesday, January 16th, 2008The recent double-whammy of watching The Orphanage and the release of a trailer for Doomsday has me lamenting the sad state of horror films these days. What exactly are the problems plaguing this least-respected but beloved movie genre?
Enough Is Enough
Tuesday, January 15th, 2008I have fucking had it with the Britney Spears shit. I can’t understand why her fucked up life is a news story and I really can’t understand how people can still be defending her.
60 Minutes To Long
Sunday, January 13th, 2008Why is Andy Rooney still alive? He’s like a cockroach, he’ll never go away.
Die, Hannah Montana, Die
Friday, January 11th, 2008Anyone with children aged five to fifteen has probably heard the name Hannah Montana enough to want to do physical harm to said children. The disgusting musical phenomenon/bloodfart known as Hannah Montana has been successfully pilfering the pocketbooks of American parents for many months now, with tickets to her “live” performances ranging somewhere between $300 [...]
Orwell Got The Date Wrong
Sunday, January 6th, 2008In recent months, Republican candidate Ron Paul has been derided in the mainstream media for his attacks against “neocons” and their agenda to create a North American Union and remove the civil liberties and protections once enjoyed by Americans. His ideas have been consistently portrayed as the rantings of the lunatic fringe.
Does he sound like a [...]
Don’t Do Drugs
Sunday, January 6th, 2008The latest Britney Spears freakshow exhibition made me think about all of the celebrities over the years who destroyed themselves in the public eye thanks to their drug and alcohol abuse. Sure, their spiralling demises make for reality programming of the most fascinating kind, but it’s also sad to watch talented people with the world at [...]
Celine Dion Is Fucking Crazy
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008I fucking hate Celine Dion. I think it’s safe to say that I’m not the only one that feels this way. Everything she does pisses me off, and for the life of me I can’t understand why people like her. Can somebody please tell me why she’s so popular?
Premenstrual Bitch Fight
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
What in the world could be better than a bitch fight? Maybe two young bitches on their web cams fighting about music? Even better, how about two thirteen year old angst fill little girl fighting about The Jonas Brothers?
The Power Of Lucas
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008Eleven Seconds after midnight on January 1, 2008, George Lucas’ power in the universe got a little stronger. The impact of Star Wars has never been as disturbing as this.
The Greatest Moments Of 2007 - Eric’s Picks
Sunday, December 30th, 2007With the new year coming to an end, I think now is a good time to look back at the 5 greatest celebrity moments of 2007. This year was no different than those of the past. You can always count on Hollywood to give us the most entertaining, bizarre, what the fuck moments that make [...]
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