After the abomination of yesterday’s story about that horrible Bosnian cunt drowning puppies, this next one will soothe and refresh the palate.
As we all know, Mexican people do nothing all day except get drunk, rob foreign tourists, and get pregnant all day long because their Pope tells them condoms are the Devil. They also make pretty nice dog trainers, as it turns out. Here we see some authentic Mexican craftsmanship in dog form:
That dog’s pretty good, eh? Better than Kate Gosselin on Dancing With The Stars, anyway. And less of a bitch, to boot.
Stone Temple Pilots are back out on tour and Scott Weiland is supposed to be clean. I say supposed, because I don’t think Scott Weiland has been clean for years. In fact, if I was playing in a death pool, he’d be the one I would want.
The tour itself is expected to be successful. STP have a very dedicated fan base and they want to see the guys get their shit together and succeed. There are also the people who like the music, but are only going to see what sort of trainwreck it will be.
The people at the band Cincinnati show this week, got a glimpse of the train beginning to jump the tracks. As the band performed “Crackerman”, Weiland fell off the stage. He just walked right off the stage, like he didn’t know the edge was there. The interesting thing here is that he didn’t miss a beat vocally, despite the fact that he appeared to hit his face on something on the way down. That leads to the question, is Scott Weiland singing at all? Is he lip synching to a vocal track, because he’s to fucked up to sing and remember the words.
The band sounds great there and I hope they cash in on this tour, because Scott’s not going to be able to do many more.
We’ve probably all looked at the front of a car and thought, “That kinda looks vaguely like a face.” But we probably never looked at it and thought, “This car needs some eyelashes.”
But someone did, and now they’re trying to earn a few Pet Rock-like bucks selling Carlashes. For only $24.95, you can stick these dumbass eyelashes around your headlights and drive around town like a clown. And for $19.95 more, you can add “crystal eyeliner” over the top of it for that extra DAZZLE!
Aren’t we in some sort of recession? Do people really have the disposable income to waste on shit like this?
Yuto Miyazawa is a 10-year-old Japanese guitar prodigy. Yuto started playing the guitar when he was 3 and has primarily learned to play on his own. He’s already done things that most musicians can only dream of. He’s performed on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” twice and “Late Night With Conan O’Brien.” He also performed at Connecticut’s Gathering of the Vibes festival and jammed with legendary guitarist Les Paul. When he was 8 years old, he was named the youngest professional guitar player on the planet by the Guinness Book of World Records.
Now Yuto can add another accomplishment to list long list of goals. He got the opportunity to play along his his musical idol, Ozzy Osborne. Yuto was brought on stage at the August 21 Ozzfest stop in Hartford, Connecticut and joined Ozzy on Crazy Train. Yuto looked like a young Randy Rhoads and even used a black-with-white polka-dotted flying-V guitar that Rhoades was famous for.
The Republican party must be a joke. It’s filled with religious Nazis who think the Constitution is a chapter in the Bible, homophobic loudmouths who invariably end up fucking dudes, and women who cannot comprehend the English language. It needs someone to stand up and lead them to the final distillation of their craziness. That someone is Christopher F. Young.
Young is the Mayoral candidate for Providence, Rhode Island. To promote his candidacy, Young stopped in on a local television show called The Rhode Show (clever!). Once on live television, he proceeded to disembowel himself so spectacularly that, if he happens to win, it will only be by the grace of God in order to bring about Armageddon.
Meanwhile, host Elizbeth Hopkins showed steely reserve as she somehow managed to not laugh directly into his fat face. She clearly needs a job on a major network after her performance here. Or perhaps she should run for Mayor. Not only did she keep a straight face, but she also proved to be genial under pressure when she flatly turned down his offer to come back and sing for her again later in the week! WHAT A PRO!
I think this guy should team up with Basil Marceaux to form a new party. We’ll call it the Retard Party. It’s very much like the Republican Party, except just slightly less intelligible. They’d be UNSTOPPABLE!
