hannah.jpgAnyone with children aged five to fifteen has probably heard the name Hannah Montana enough to want to do physical harm to said children. The disgusting musical phenomenon/bloodfart known as Hannah Montana has been successfully pilfering the pocketbooks of American parents for many months now, with tickets to her “live” performances ranging somewhere between $300 and infinity.

Although I would have put quotes around the word “live,” it seems more appropriate now than ever; the little teenaged bitch is not only lip-synching, but also using body doubles to “perform” for her.

Here’s the proof!

First, watch this video and try to catch how it’s done:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=4g5IjYZpjMQ[/youtube]

If you missed it, that’s okay. I nearly passed out just trying to keep my brain functioning while listening to her particularly insipid bullshit.

To make it easier, here is another angle:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xcrthh0Vx20[/youtube]

I realize that the Hannah Montana MoneySuck Tour is just the latest in a long line of bands and tours created purely for profit. What were The Monkees except a television invention designed to cash in on The Beatles? What were Michael Devlin favorites New Kids on the Block but an American Menudo?

But something just hits me wrong about a tour in which individual performances are garnering ticket prices which rival putting a telescope in space … and then the product is filled with lip-synching and body-double posturing. I mean, parents are selling their kids to the black market in order to pay for tickets – which makes no sense if you think about it – and then they are getting a product inferior to the original inferiority. That’ll fuck your mind up, kids.

My sister recently paid several hundred dollars for tickets to the show so that my niece and nephew could experience every shrieking second of the tweenybopper Woodstock. And while I am glad to say that they survived it without any noticeable harm, my sister will get another earful from me for ponying up the dough for this vapid and PHONY nonsense.

And people wonder why the music industry died. Hilarious.