And what a waste. Haim was absolutely adorable in the role of Lucas, a nerd who falls in love with a girl out of his league. Haim had the looks and talent to completely dominate films for years. Unfortunately, Haim found drugs at an early age. Haim was even doing drugs during the shoot for The Lost Boys, his biggest role, and he was what … sixteen years old? Drugs completely evaporated that talent, and left the kid a conceited, hollowed shell that Hollywood quickly discarded. Here he is at this time, denying the drugs that he was obviously on while making this horrible promotional video:

He mostly disappeared for several years before turning up on E! in 2001 completely wasted:

He still had the looks at this point, but his brain was pickled and useless. But as time went on, he physically began to deteriorate. He apparently spent several years slinking around in the underbelly of Hollywood, scoring drugs instead of acting roles.

Then he turned up on that damned Two Coreys show, which was compulsively watchable. Haim’s decline was the primary reason for this, much like craning your neck to see a car wreck. I admired Corey Feldman for standing beside Haim until it was no longer possible; I would’ve told the guy off a long time ago. Ultimately, though, Haim’s drug use and radical mood shifts became too much for the married and stable Feldman, and I don’t blame him one bit for leaving Haim. I can only imagine what Feldman is feeling today. Hopefully he doesn’t use this as a publicity stunt much like his Michael Jackson bullshit from last year.

Anyway, Corey Haim is dead, and nobody’s surprised. But for the generation that saw this cute little kid with the big eyes and bright smile, there is a twinge of sadness that Hollywood killed another child actor. Taylor Lautner, you’re next!!

Huh? I had never missed a payment during the entire time I had the card, and paid it off several times. I hadn’t even had a balance on it since last September. My general credit report has vastly improved since 2006, and my credit score is now 700. Yet somehow this has happened.

I have no problem shopping elsewhere for home supplies. Home Depot is convenient and friendly, and the internet allows me to buy things at a discount. But it was nice to have that extra credit and store; the open credit account only helps boost my credit even more.

I just spent several minutes chewing out the very nice lady that answered my call at Lowes. I just find it hard to believe that any company in these economic times would choose to alienate customers who have conscientiously paid their bills and wisely used the credit extended to them. It’s safe to say that I will never spend another penny at a Lowes ever again, and I will never use credit from G.E. Money, either. It’s time that average consumers, the ones responsible for bailing out these irresponsible banks, started letting their money do the talking.

FUCK YOU LOWES AND G.E. MONEY!

Dana Carvey and Jim Carrey win the battle as far as I’m concerned. Carvey in particular is hilarious. Hammond shines with his few seconds of dialogue; I always loved his Clinton (it would have been great to see Jan Hooks show up as Hillary …). Ackroyd does a good job with Carter, although it’s fairly boring (and he’s too damned fat). Chase is horrible as usual as Ford, easily the worst impression in SNL history. I’m surprised he didn’t break a hip falling on that table.

Anyway, here’s the skit. It’s just awesome:

I would, if they were all like the brilliant new video from OK GO. You might remember the band from their awesome treadmill video from a few years ago. They’re back with a jaw-dropping video that recalls the wonderful Mouse Trap game, full of exotic, triggered contraptions. This might be the most creative video I’ve seen in a very long time. I sincerely hope it was done in one take without any computer graphics.

I just wish the music was better. They’re talented, but the songs aren’t particularly catchy, which is a major reason why the band hasn’t really gone anywhere despite some inventive and amazing visuals.

Check it out:

Andrew Koenig, better know to the world as Boner has been found dead in a densely wood area. He was found by family and friends who initiated their own private search. Boner had been battling depression according to his father, Star Trek actor Walter Koenig. The 41 year old actor had been missing for over a week.

It’s very sad that at 41 years old he felt that his life was lost and that the only answer was suicide.

Take, for example, this guy pictured at the top of this article. He goes by the name (Wo)Man. He’s a morbidly obese dude who likes to ride around on a banana-seated bicycle wearing some form of women’s clothing. It usually ends up exposing his dick at some point, which definitely crashes the careful and beautiful illusion he’s creating.

My questions are simple ones: why on Earth has this guy not been arrested for indecent exposure? Why hasn’t he gotten the shit kicked out of him from some father whose son was emotionally raped at the sight of him? Why isn’t this guy being held in the darkest, dankest corner of a mental institution???

Anyway, here’s a video of this freakazoid riding around town on his bike, the wind gently lifting his skirt to expose his dimpled ass. Classy!

Over the weekend Whitney “performed” in Brisbane, Australia. From all reports, Whitney only managed to cough out a few hits before surrendering the microphone to almost anyone capable of carrying a tune. This is not, of course, what her fans are paying $100 a ticket to see. They are also not paying to see a woman hack and wheeze her way through three songs while sipping on water, but that’s what those poor Australians got last weekend.

Whitney gasped her way through her greatest song, “I Will Always Love You,” pausing for several minutes while she sipped on a glass of water. Refreshed, Whitney attempted to hit the high notes of the finale, only to sound like a homeless whore getting throat-fucked by Marlon Wayans. She laughed about her miscue, probably because she didn’t pay half of a year’s salary to be there.

What Whitney has done to her incredible voice is simply unacceptable. Even less acceptable is the idea that she should tour the world and collect money for vocal performances that would embarass Britney Spears. Whitney seriously needs to go home, apply Vicks Vaporub, drink plenty of water, and do some yoga. Most of all, she needs to stop acting like her foolish life choices have not destroyed one of the greatest human gifts seen in over one hundred years.

Crack is whack, yo. Watch the video for confirmation:

This past Sunday, at WWE’s Elimination Chamber Pay Per View WWE World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker almost saw his demise. This night he had more to worry about than the five men he would be locked in a cage with.

The Undertaker is known for his slow and deliberate entrance to the ring. The lights go out, his music hits and then he slowly makes his way to the ring while fire and pyro are going off around him He’s been doing variations of this type of entrance for years. Sunday night however, as he began to make his way to the ring he got engulfed by one of the flames that was shooting up from the entrance ramp floor. Fortunately the Undertaker had a long trench coat that actually protected his body and took most of the flames.

Undertaker showed his toughness by trowing down his jacket and running to the ring.  Once he made it to the ring he was evaluated by a ringside physician.  He suffered a sunburn-like burn to the chest but was cleared to wrestle.  He then wrestled in a steel cage against five other men. Undertaker went on the lose the match and his belt, but he was lucky to come out of his event without serious injury.

The pyrotechnics are operated by a company that contracts with WWE.  The event took place in St. Louis and St. Louis fire officials are investigating the incident.

We have had two more incidents this weekend to add to the sad child star resume: Brian Bonsall, the adorable moppet from Family Ties, was arrested over the weekend for marijuana, thereby violating his probabtion from earlier drug and violence charges.

Just for comparison, let’s remember Brian the way he once was:

Look at that cherubic little face. He almost seems to be saying: “Now, you be good and don’t do bad stuff, okay?” If only he would listen to his inner child for one.

Did Bonsall really have that much difficulty finding roles as he aged? I mean, if you take away the tattoos and lip piercings (ewwww), the guy is pretty damned good looking. I find it hard to believe that he couldn’t find roles in something, even if it was MILF: It Does A Body Good 3. I mean, it’s work … surely he could have done something.

I guess the moral of the story is STAY OFF DRUGS!

Meanwhile, Andrew Koenig, who played Boner on Growing Pains, has turned up missing. He’s been missing for a week, and the Vancouver police have started a manhunt to discover his whereabouts. Not to sound ignorant, but the guy is probably dead if he’s been missing for a week. When was the last time you heard of someone missing for a week turn up alive??

The next time you want to take your children to see Justin Bieber in concert, just remember that he will be strung out on crack in five years, and arrested for knocking over a convenience store in ten. Then he will look something like this: