Quizno’s sucks. Their restaurants smell like dirty feet. The food takes too long for a fast food place, and isn’t good enough to justify the wait. And do I want a bag of chips with that shitty sandwich? Fuck no. I’ll just go to Subway and get something that tastes a bit fresher.

To alleviate their perception problem, Quizno’s has released this new commercial. It uses fat people and gay Asians to illustrate the meatiness of their sandwiches. Perception problem solved! Now I’m convinced that the Quizno’s company sucks as badly as their food … awesome!

My hatred for Justin Bieber grows by the day. He has every “make girls squeal” move down to a science; he’s like a mop-haired robot.

Here’s a commercial where he pretends that (a) he has teenaged problems like everyone else, and (b) he has friends. The guys playing basketball with Bieber were probably paid for the intolerable time spent “hanging” with the little shit while he cocked his head and rasped out sweet nothings into any camera nearby. I like how he barely smears any ProActiv on his porcelain skin, poorly imitating how any real human teenager would apply the stuff.

Of course Bieber’s fans do not realize that the rubber mask Bieber wears to conceal his true identity as one of the V lizard aliens will not ever develop zits. And what’s with the “feet grow too fast” line? Just weird.

I fucking hate this kid.

I almost threw up watching this. It’s probably not the reaction the makers of Drench hoped for when they made it.

I mean, that’s just GROSS.

Almost everything about Japanese culture frightens me. They eat raw fish. They love robots. They watch creepy television shows. Their favorite movie hero is a giant lizard that smashes and kills everyone on a regular basis. THEY’RE WEIRD.

Take, for example, this ad for Kame Sours. Keep in mind that it is aimed at CHILDREN:

Terrifying. Had I seen something like that as a child, I would not have grown into the responsible, well-balanced adult that I am today (ahem).

Another example of Japanese weirdness is this horrific creation. (more…)

Lord knows when I used to listen to “Bye Bye Bye” on my worn-out N’Sync 8-track cassette back in 2000, I would simultaneously wonder what other talents young Justin Timberlake possessed besides being able to grow the ugliest fucking hair on the planet.

It turns out that the guy can actually sing when he’s not being drowned-out by the screams of Lance Bass getting plugged by a Space Cowboy (Yippie-Yi-Yay, motherfuckers!). He’s also a pretty decent actor, if you can stand his faux-ghetto bullshit, that is. But I didn’t know he could also brew one hell of a tequila.

Called 901, this new tequila promises to give patrons something they’ve never had from a tequila before - a hot chick riding their face. Yep … at least, that’s what this new commercial says. I think.