Add this guy to the list of guys probably getting laid more often than I do.

Frankly, I’d rather go without sex permanently than dress up like a fucking dog, strolling out in public and barking like an idiot. That’s exactly what Pittsburgh moron Gary Matthews has been doing for most of the 44 years he’s lived on this planet.

Unsurprisingly, Matthews is unemployed, giving him ample time to hike his leg on sanity. Hey Gary, go play in traffic, would ya?

There are few things that really turn my stomach as easily as hillbilly white trash hoosiers. You know ‘em – fatasses in WalMart stretch pants, flip flops, sleeveless tops, mullets, camouflage cargo pants, short leather skirts, unkempt beards, flabby arms, and various undiagnosed sores all over their bodies. They live in trailers and dirty apartment buildings that have muddy floodlines on them. They always have mangy, spotted dogs shitting in the front yard. The teeth in their stupid fucking heads are rotten or gone.

There are so many of these subhuman garbage bags in the southern half of the Union that I seriously wouldn’t mind it if that section broke off and sank into the ocean. Except that it would create an environmental disaster in the ocean.

Unfortunately, the only thing that these inbred yokels do right is pass on their values to their children. Their offspring are rude, dirty, stupid, and worthless just like their parents. They stare vacantly as their children break stuff, cuss, torture animals, blow snot everywhere, and cough up diseases on the innocent. In fact, they almost seem proud of how awful their children are, their toothless smiles saying, “Ah, my boy is just so dang lively, ain’t he? He’s a handful, that’s fur shur!”

I’d like to shoot them all in the face with a sawed-off shotgun, starting with the kid in this video. This five year old boy attacked his 58 year old grandmother in the trailer (of course!) that she shares with the boy and his 21 year old mother. The grandmother, Alice Hatcher, suffers from kidney failure and pneumonia. The boy hit her with cans, a mop, and then urinated on her back while she crawled on the floor to flee the child. And where was the mother during all of this? She was sitting on the couch, five feet away, engrossed in a television show!

It’s almost unbelievable to imagine a five year old punching his way through a door to get at his defenseless grandmother. It’s even harder to imagine that the grandmother could turn around and tell reporters that “he’s a good baby.” Here’s an idea: snatch the broom from the kid and beat his face in with it, then feed his body to the raccoons just outside the door.

Here’s a fun fact that will keep anyone awake at night in terror: these are the people populating the red states who believe in God and vote for Republicans! And we wonder why we can’t get anything done in this country!

The Rec Show has been fearlessly exposing the evidence that black people seem to have certain intellectual deficiences. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, I don’t know … I’m not a scientist. But as we pointed out HERE and HERE and HERE, black people do a lot of amazingly stupid things.

One of the more disturbing trends among the “hip” black youths today is the mystifying tribal ritual known as DANCING IN THE FUCKING STREET. People of even average intelligence (i.e. not black people, apparently) know that cars drive on roads and are generally heavier, faster, and more lethal than, let’s say, a BIKE. We’re taught from infancy to LOOK BOTH WAYS before even crossing the street – let alone dance in it – because every battle between a human and a car results in the CAR WINNING.

But FUCK DAT SHIT, MAN! I GOTS TA GET MY DANCE ON, DAWG!

CAR: 1,300,597 , STREET DANCER: 0

You don’t see many white people getting hit by cars while dancing in the middle of the street because (a) they’re all working to pay for the welfare programs these guys benefit from, and (b) they know better than to dance in the middle of the fucking street.

How’s that “hip” now, my nigga?

I don’t think it’s an understatement to say that Whitney Houston’s miraculous voice is one of the greatest human instruments ever captured on record. Sure, Aretha Franklin had one of the most forceful voices ever, Patsy Cline had one of the tenderest, and Janis Joplin one of the most soulful, but Whitney’s soaring voice had all of these qualities and more combined into one incredibly pure sound. Plus, she’s much easier on the eyes than any of those ugly-ass bitches.

And crack has destroyed it all.

Whitney made a guest appearance on Dancing With The Stars a few nights ago, and she rolled I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) out onto the stage and butchered it for a live audience like a sacrificial lamb. Check it out:

Of course, the crack that Bobby Brown fed her for breakfast for ten years has destroyed her lungs to such a horrifying degree that she is no longer capable of even singing an entire line without panting like a thirteen year old boy in the girl’s locker room. Unfortunately, Whitney has nobody to blame but herself. She was given one of life’s supremely beautiful gifts, and she castrated it and made it a sad effigy.

It stands as a lesson to us all: don’t waste what talents you have.