Taylor Lautner may be cute, and he has a good body (for now), but his tweenie-bopper Twilight fans need to face this tragic fact – the kid’s a fucking fag of the faggiest kind. He makes me look like a regular He-Man by comparison.
In a hissy fit that would embarrass Elton John, Lautner is suing a company called McMahon’s RV because they didn’t deliver his $300,000 trailer to the set of his new movie Abduction on time. Apparently the company was supposed to have the trailer there by June 21, but they didn’t get it there on time. This, of course, forced Lautner to – GASP! – use a regular trailer like the other little people on set.
And this is the best part: he’s suing them for EMOTIONAL DISTRESS! Can you say FAAAAAAAAGGGG?
I’m sure it must’ve been difficult for poor young Taylor to be without his custom-made trailer, complete with dildos mounted on the walls, a lube station, and a special secret entrance for the boys to enter while escaping detection from the paparazzi. However, despite Taylor’s insatiable craving of the cock, I cannot imagine any MAN claiming emotional distress over a trailer arriving late. Seriously. If the company didn’t hold up their end of the deal, then sue them for breach of contract, dude. But not emotional distress.
Hey Taylor, look down between your legs. Do you see that flap of skin that vaguely resembles the male genitalia you hunger for every night and day? That indicates that you’re a MALE – start acting like one. Grow the fuck up, get over yourself, and stop being a whiny fag bitch. Instead of spending $300,000 on a trailer, go spend $10,000 on a nose job.
Oh, and for all of you crybabies who think Taylor isn’t gay – yeah riiiight – watch this video AGAIN:
Okay, it’s official. I now love Greyson Chance, the 12 year old singer/songwriter who captured the hearts of YouTube and Ellen DeGeneres in the last few weeks. I’ve reported on him here and here already, and now I’m doing it again.
A friend of mine summed up my obsession with this kid very well by describing her own fascination with him: he’s a genuinely nice boy with tremendous talent and a mesmerizing voice. I wish this wasn’t happening to him at such a young age, because that youthful innocence can so easily be corrupted (see: Justin Bieber), but I doubt if God himself could keep Greyson’s talent hidden for too long. I just hope he doesn’t turn into some sort of performing monkey like many children become in show business.
Anyway, he came back to The Ellen Show today to collect his $10,000 prize for Ellen’s YouTube talent show. She also announced that she is starting a record label – eleveneleven records – and Greyson will be her first artist. This bodes very well for his chances, since Ellen has two huge platforms from which to promote his music.
The cherry on top was another performance from Greyson, who (thankfully) decided to sing his original song Broken Hearts. While the lyrics need some polishing, the melody and his voice are spectacular once again. Check it out:
While the internet is still mostly for porn and message board trolls, it does sometimes help uncover some truly talented people and make them stars. That very thing has happened to young Greyson Michael Chance, the piano prodigy with the big voice who shot to stardom covering Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi.
I championed this kid from the beginning of the craze when his video had a few thousand views, and now it’s in the tens of millions of views. Not only do I love this kid’s voice, but I also love his natural singing ability. He comes off like a cross between Gaga, Alanis Morissette, and Elton John. Take, for example, this self-written song called Broken Hearts. Listen to the song construction, the melody, the way the song builds. These are difficult songwriting concepts for experienced adult writers, let alone a twelve year old.
News coming out today is that Greyson has already signed a recording contract with Interscope, which is a major league studio. Although I’m a bit nervous that this is all moving too fast, I’d really like to see what Greyson can do with an album of material.
It all goes back to what I was saying a few days ago about how to make money and become famous on YouTube. Greyson is (a) a cute young boy, and (b) has talent, and (c) has something to say. The formula almost seems too simple to ignore, and I’m sure publicists and advertising people are paying very close attention. It’s high time the talking heads on YouTube do the same.
Some internet phenomenons come and go. Remember Tay Zonday and his creepy Chocolate Rain song? Remember Chris Crocker?
Yeah, I didn’t think so. These guys and many others have become Insta-Hits on YouTube mostly due to their glaring LACK of talent. They make the mistake in thinking that having the whole world laugh AT you is a good thing.
But a recent rising star on YouTube has earned his place due to his suprisingly subtle comedic timing and clever improvisation. He is only 14 years old, and he is simply known by adoring millions as Fred.
Fred is the creation of a talented young actor named Lucas Cruikshank who has, over the last two years, been making comedy videos on the site with his twin cousins. Most of these videos were childish and goofy, much like the rest of the content littering every channel on YouTube. However, inspiration struck earlier this year when Lucas began to form the Fred character in a series of shorts. Quickly, the rapid cutting and manic expressionism evolved into a comedic goldmine that has transfixed legions of fans.
In its current incarnation, Fred is a six year old boy plagued with a short attention span and an even shorter fuse. He’s in love with the girl next door named Judy, and tormented by the neighborhood bully Kevin. His mother is an alcoholic, and his father left town years ago to, as Fred imagines, become a rock star. His wild imagination and constant loneliness fuels many of the episodes, as Fred’s energy threatens to spin wildly out of control.
This is an episode from a month ago. It has been viewed over 3.6 million times.
One of my favorite episodes is called “Fred Loses His Meds.” Some of the timing here is absolutely perfect:
That has been seen almost 5 million times.
This remarkable kid has some real talent here. He’s cartoon-cute, smart, and quite a nuanced performer. He might be the best thing YouTube has ever produced. I hope he manages to parlay this instant burst of fame with something enduring, because he is the real deal. This might be the best child character in any form of media since Pee Wee Herman back in the eighties, or the South Park kids in the nineties.
Yes, he’s that good.
The big question: Is there a future for this character as successful as the preceding examples?
