What can I say? The moronic lardasses who descended on Washington this weekend for Glenn Beck’s nebulous “Restoring Honor” rally have no ability for thought whatsoever. They simply believe everything Beck says, except for the times when he says really awful things (Obama is a Muslim, Obama is a racist, etc.) … they can’t seem to remember him saying any of that. Although they still believe those things to be true.

This kid went into the crowds on Saturday to ask them some logical questions. Listen to these guys give answers so deluded and confused that I’m surprised the word “honor” was even spelled correctly on their banners.

I’m most bothered by the guy in the red tee-shirt who simply walks away when confronted by Beck’s own rhetoric. THAT’S what’s wrong with this country in a nutshell – both sides are clogged with intellectually-challenged ditto-heads who simply regurgitate sound bites they’ve heard from their leaders, and patently refuse to discuss an issue beyond those boundaries. It is REVOLTING to watch. (more…)

We’ve probably all looked at the front of a car and thought, “That kinda looks vaguely like a face.” But we probably never looked at it and thought, “This car needs some eyelashes.”

But someone did, and now they’re trying to earn a few Pet Rock-like bucks selling Carlashes. For only $24.95, you can stick these dumbass eyelashes around your headlights and drive around town like a clown. And for $19.95 more, you can add “crystal eyeliner” over the top of it for that extra DAZZLE!

Aren’t we in some sort of recession? Do people really have the disposable income to waste on shit like this?

So yeah … I just ordered mine.

Add this guy to the list of guys probably getting laid more often than I do.

Frankly, I’d rather go without sex permanently than dress up like a fucking dog, strolling out in public and barking like an idiot. That’s exactly what Pittsburgh moron Gary Matthews has been doing for most of the 44 years he’s lived on this planet.

Unsurprisingly, Matthews is unemployed, giving him ample time to hike his leg on sanity. Hey Gary, go play in traffic, would ya?

This is what happens when you jab at an angry bull with long spears. Make a note of that the next time you have extensive bullfighting fantasies.

The fighter’s name is Pedro Muriel. Soon to be known as Muriel Pedro.

There are few things that really turn my stomach as easily as hillbilly white trash hoosiers. You know ‘em – fatasses in WalMart stretch pants, flip flops, sleeveless tops, mullets, camouflage cargo pants, short leather skirts, unkempt beards, flabby arms, and various undiagnosed sores all over their bodies. They live in trailers and dirty apartment buildings that have muddy floodlines on them. They always have mangy, spotted dogs shitting in the front yard. The teeth in their stupid fucking heads are rotten or gone.

There are so many of these subhuman garbage bags in the southern half of the Union that I seriously wouldn’t mind it if that section broke off and sank into the ocean. Except that it would create an environmental disaster in the ocean.

Unfortunately, the only thing that these inbred yokels do right is pass on their values to their children. Their offspring are rude, dirty, stupid, and worthless just like their parents. They stare vacantly as their children break stuff, cuss, torture animals, blow snot everywhere, and cough up diseases on the innocent. In fact, they almost seem proud of how awful their children are, their toothless smiles saying, “Ah, my boy is just so dang lively, ain’t he? He’s a handful, that’s fur shur!”

I’d like to shoot them all in the face with a sawed-off shotgun, starting with the kid in this video. This five year old boy attacked his 58 year old grandmother in the trailer (of course!) that she shares with the boy and his 21 year old mother. The grandmother, Alice Hatcher, suffers from kidney failure and pneumonia. The boy hit her with cans, a mop, and then urinated on her back while she crawled on the floor to flee the child. And where was the mother during all of this? She was sitting on the couch, five feet away, engrossed in a television show!

It’s almost unbelievable to imagine a five year old punching his way through a door to get at his defenseless grandmother. It’s even harder to imagine that the grandmother could turn around and tell reporters that “he’s a good baby.” Here’s an idea: snatch the broom from the kid and beat his face in with it, then feed his body to the raccoons just outside the door.

Here’s a fun fact that will keep anyone awake at night in terror: these are the people populating the red states who believe in God and vote for Republicans! And we wonder why we can’t get anything done in this country!